Game On || C.L.16

0.6

I keep tossing and turning, the unfamiliarity of my bed in this cabin not giving me the rest my own bed gives. I can barely catch my sleep and my thoughts keep going to the conversation I had with Esteban and Pierre at dinner.

My mind keeps wandering to the day I decided to break up with Arthur.

"Lila, I can't keep doing this." I mutter through my tears. My best friend came over to support me here in Paris. Having just played my first game in our main team. "I can't keep juggling this. I can't stay with Arthur, who's at the other side of the world half of the year, and focus on achieving my own athletic goals."

"Lie, I can't even begin to understand how you feel. But Arthur and you, you're both driven to reach your own althletic goals. If it doesn't feel good anymore, that is something you'll both have to come to terms with. You have to talk to him about this." Lila explains, drawing circles on my back, trying to soothe me.

"I know Lil" I snif, trying to push the tears away. "I'll decide what is good for me."

I twist and turn again in bed. Deciding to grab a cup of warm milk, hoping it'll soothe me and get me to sleep.

The cabin is very quiet, no surprise as it's 2am already. I quickly heat up some milk, taking the cup with me to my bedroom. Crawling back under the covers without any of the the boys noticing me. Or at least I hope so.

Sitting on my bed, my thoughts wonder back again.

I look at the screen of my laptop. The contract offer from PSG on my screen. The promise that I'll be added to the first squad next year having a prominent spot in the offer. It's all I've ever dreamt of and then more.

I sigh, if I want to make this work, I'll have to make the most difficult decision ever.

I'll have to let go of Arthur.

I take another deep breath, it's the middle of the night for him. It's not like I can call him right now, he's got practice tomorrow. I always swore I would never do this, but I don't see any other way I can get this of my chest right now.

I open the email app on my laptop, Arthur's email immediately appearing in the column where I have to put the receiver.

We used to write each other long emails when we were away. I take a deep breath, before I start to type.

Dear Arthur,
I am so very sorry that this is the way I'm doing this, but I can't do this for much longer. I want you to know that I care for you very deeply, I even want to believe that the love for you is never ending. But even so, it costs me such a big amount of energy to keep this going.
We are barely ever in the same city, we barely get to spend time together physically.
We both want to try and get the most out of our careers, and at this point, I don't think it matches with our relationship anymore. I'm going to be in the first team of PSG next year and I need to be able to fully focus on that.
Once more, I want to let you know that I care for you deeply. But this isn't working anymore.
I hope you can give this all a place. We could potentially even stay friends? I hope you want to stay friends.
You'll always have a special place in my heart.
Much love, Amelie

A tears rolls over my cheeks, the email I sent to Arthur open on my phone. Stupid technology, being able to look back on your mistakes every day if you want to.

Even I feel hurt reading this email I send two years ago. How have I been this stupid?

I wipe the tears away, swiping the email app away too. I put the now empty mug on my nightstand. I let myself slide deeper under the covers, my head hitting the pillow. Maybe this will be the time I actually fall asleep.

"You keep being sad. Even now that you two are broken up. It's been weeks already." Lila says setting her cup of tea down on my dinner table. "Let's go out tonight. Cheer you up."

I sigh, I don't really feel like going out. But summer break right now gives me the chance to do go out. "Fine."

Soon after, we're getting ready to go out. When suddenly Lila calls me to the guest room. "LIE?! WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?" She asks pointing at the drawer filled with Arthur's clothes and other stuff. "Please don't tell me these are from him."

"Then I'm not answering." I say, turning on my heel to go back to my own room.

"Amelie Rosanna Gasly!" Lila says sternly. "You won't ever get over him with this still laying around."

"So what do you suggest I do?"

"I don't know? Give him his stuff back." She says sarcastically.

"And how do you suggest I do that? He's never near me. He's always with the team or with his family in Monaco. And since he blocked me everywhere, I don't think I'm on the list of people he wants to see."

"Why don't you send it to him?"

"I can't just send it to him. I was the most inhumane person, while breaking up with him, I can't be like this returning his stuff." I sigh.

"Well if he won't see you, then I don't really see another option." Lila says, closing the drawer and focusing on her make up again.

I was happy that I didn't go with Lila's plan. Note the past tense. I was happy. But after a few drinks, we got back to the topic again. Lila once again bringing up sending his stuff to his house.

Which is how we ended up at a shady post office that does 24/7 shipments at 4 am. Me clinging to the box with Arthur's belongings, while Lila explains the address and what we're doing to the employee.

He better not know who Arthur Leclerc is or who I am. Because this would be one hell of a story to send to the tabloids.

I wake up to the door slamming shut behind someone. Daylight coming in through the barely shut blinds. Thank god, it's time to actually wake up.