Laura Giovanna Scarlett Rossi/Black is a 17-year-old girl living a complicated life. Laura grew up being abused physically, mentally, and emotionally by her mother. This only got worse when her mother met Adam (stepfather).
Laura is not an innocent...
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You ever have that feeling like your reality is crashing down around you and there's nothing you can do about it?
Like you're drowning above water? The smallest problem feels like the weight of the world suffocating you. One shift in the tide creating a tsunami.
The thoughts in your head become too loud and all you want to do is scream. They play over, and over, and over again, leaving you wondering what you did wrong?
What did I do to deserve this? What did I do to be given this hand in the universe's deck of cards?
It's not fair. The things all of us go through from simply existing.
I keep trying to remind myself that it's not my fault. That I don't deserve this. But I can't seem to believe myself.
Not after years with Hannah. Then Adam. Then HIM. Then back again with the evil that pretended to be my parents.
Looking back, I truly don't think Hannah ever loved me. Not the way she loved the rest of my biological family.
Then again, leaving your husband with 6 boys all under the age of 13 doesn't sound like love. Maybe she just loved the attention she was given.
That makes more sense considering the way guys would come through the house like a revolving door. Well, until Adam stepped into the picture that is.
When I was a kid, I used to daydream about having a loving household. A place I could adamantly call 'home.' Two parents with a bunch of siblings. A window seat in my room so I could read to my heart's desire. Pretending to be Wendy from Peter Pan, and meet my knight in shining armor. Someone who would save me from all my problems.
But that's what it was, a dream. I've grown out of wanting someone to save me. I learned to do it myself.
Over, and over, and over again.
Life isn't fair. That was made crystal clear when all I could do was stare into oblivion, detached from reality. It's one of the things I do best- shut down.
When life gets too hard. The voices in my head get too loud. Anxiety prickling my skin. My chest contracting with the inability to breath. The memories flooding through my mind to the point of exhaustion. I just shut down.
It's either that or murdering countless people. Right now, I've shut down.
It's become too hard to stay connected with the real world. This happens a lot. Whether it be getting stuck in a daze from a bad dream, or getting high off bloodlust. I fall into a pattern of dissociating. The problem is, I don't realize it until it's too late.
The world already moves slower. My thoughts become mush, bleeding days together until everything looks the same.
I'm still hanging on though. I don't know how, but I am. Maybe I'm too stubborn to let the darkness fully consume me.
