Laura Giovanna Scarlett Rossi/Black is a 17-year-old girl living a complicated life. Laura grew up being abused physically, mentally, and emotionally by her mother. This only got worse when her mother met Adam (stepfather).
Laura is not an innocent...
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A deep blue covers the starry night sky. The moon creates little light, but enough for me to see. The chilly November air has goosebumps decorating my blanket covered skin.
It's close to 4 a.m. now. Jason and Ashton are asleep in my room. I snuck out onto my balcony realizing I haven't put the space to good use. My friends fell asleep around midnight, but my mind has been running wild for hours.
How I feel about everyone. Figuring out how they feel about me. Do I belong here? Should I tell them about Hannah and Adam? Why didn't Devin come back? Am I the downfall of my own unhappiness because I can't trust anyone? What's going on with my grandparents? Has Xavier set up any pranks yet?
The line between my thoughts and reality has become more blurred than it has been in years.
I don't know what's real and what's fake. Am I seeing things I want to see? Do they expect something from me in return for their questionable kindness? Why do they seem to care about me? I haven't done anything worth of their care or pride.
Why can't I just be by myself? The mafia is my family. My home. The only true home I've had outside of Ashton and Jason. But even so, I can't help but feel a pull to the Rossi boys.
Alessandro's securing hugs and protectiveness. Matteo's smiles and cooking. Elijah's important words and paintings. Xander's holes in the walls. Xavier's jokes and bright ideas. Lucas's clinginess and just the fact that he knows me on a deeper level.
Salvatore's patience. I don't even call him 'dad' yet he sees me as a daughter.
I don't know how to deal with it. I've never experienced this before. Hannah and Adam just drunkenly beat me and created scars on my body and mind.
They really fucked me up. Maybe beyond repair. The fact that Xander being an ass creates some type of familiarity is extremely concerning. I don't like the things he's said to me, but I'm more used to it than they realize.
I made a promise to myself after the Maddox situation. If he ever calls me a name again, or says anything rude, I'm going to beat his mother fucking ass. He needs to be put in his place. If I don't, I'm letting myself accept his words as truth.
I thought the events of today would calm me. The need for blood I've been programmed to love. In a way, I'm more calm, but it still doesn't help.
Like a cigarette. It's calming for a little while until you remember you're addicted to the cancerous substance.
Killing people calms my raging need for blood. But I know the problem will never go away. The lies will never stop. The blood spilt will only grow.
I don't know what to do. HE was never truly able to turn off my emotions. I don't know whether to be thankful or resent HIM for it.
The rules HE made me recite like a prayer never fully sunk in. Only play in my mind like a distant fever dream. But it's real. It was all real.
Every second of those 2 years was real. It made me into a monster. A devil in disguise. The disguise? A 17 year old girl who is broken beyond repair. Who refuses help. Who likes the pain and sadness because it's the only thing she knows. A stone cold face covering up emotional scars. Clothing to cover physical ones.
