The Diary of an obsessive idiot(diary 4)

change/wrongdoings

y'know, i'm not a good person, i'm self-centred, self-obsessed, greedy, obsessive, narcissistic, entitled, lonely, but... i think i'm getting better.

yes i'm not perfect, and yes i'm literally going on a rant about me being a better person, ie narcissistic, but that's not where i'm going with this, i believe i'm improving.

 i have done some less then acceptable things, i know, but through that i learnt that i can't continue being the same old me if i wish to succeed, if i don't change who i am i'll never get to where i want.

ok take girls, this is probably my shittiest and most regretted thing i've done and it deserves the judgement it brings me, but i harassed a girl... yeah. so i liked this girl, she was shy, quirky, cute, and completely innocent, and i asked her out once, and then again, and again, and... again, just loop the "again" 999 times. she also had a girlfriend, which is a whole other box of worms i'm not willing to dive into at the moment, again this is one of my shittiest moments, don't let one moment define your opinion me ok, i'm trying to do better. anyways as time progressed i got weirder and weirder, until eventually something had to give, and that's when it all came to head, she gave, excommunicated me, essentially exhaled me from my friend group, damaged my already shitty reputation when i was in highschool, all of which i rightfully deserved. anyways what's my point? well shit i can't try this shit again for the third time (there was another situation similar, but that's kind of different and me and the person that it happened with have worked things out awhile ago and are actually planning to chill in a lil :') you can't just repeat the same thing again and again and expect things to change... one moment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pp0Km-H8TOQ

ok reference aside, you just can't, just as i can't be weird, creepy, awkward and expect to be successful in this aspect. yes i could of used a better example but i wanted to get that off my chest.

my point is, if you don't reflect, if you don't learn from where you failed, how will the next time be any better? how will you not end up with the same result? how will you succeed in where you failed previously?... see it doesn't work if you don't put in the effort to change.

look, if you want to be yourself that's perfectly fine, but there's a fine balance between being yourself and being a better person. learn, grow, don't let the past hold you back and seek redemption, some things are damaged forever but some things are yet to be damaged, try your best to preserve what's still there.

man i sound like some peace loving hippy, peace out wattpad, have a good night/day.