The Diary of an obsessive idiot(diary 4)

What do i want?

what do i want? why do i want it? how do i get it? all questions i have no idea what the answer is.

so i've been thinking and honestly i have no idea what i even want. like there are things i want, but those "things" i don't even know why i want them, or how to get them.

 in general though, i don't want anything, my collectable that i hold as trophies no longer bring me any joy, it got to the point where i was just happy to get them and i'd admire them, but now it's empty, sure i buy something every now and then but it's empty. Brightside my spending is getting more and more manageable.

my desire for friends is as strong as ever, or should i say "friend". but apart from that i don't really know how i feel about the prospect of making new friends, i mean yeah i want friends, but at the same time the thought of meeting new people my age terrifies me, but what else do i do? i don't want to be alone. i just don't know what to do, my emotions and thoughts are contradicting themselves constantly.

career wise i don't give a shit, which is... concerning. i know all too well that my current career path isn't sustainable, maybe 6 years i plan to be doing bricklaying before my body disintegrates into dust. so then what is my next step after i get my qualification? i want to be a vet, but i don't believe i have the smarts, maybe i'll give it a try in the future, i guess only time will tell.