my online lover

control

The next few days, my life changed completely.

I have to text Kevin every time I leave the house, enter the university, leave it and then when I'm back home. And it happens that I forgot to do that because it is not a usual thing I normally do and sometimes it's him texting me and asking me if I am okay or not.

Besides that, we also started to talk again. Not because I wanted that but because he is usual to keep the conversation open so we never stop until it's time for me to go to sleep or the lesson. And do I have an opinion on this? No. I don't know what I want anymore. Right now my life has too many ups and downs to even focus on the too many words I give to a guy I shouldn't.

I also had to tell everything to Antonio who was very upset about the text-check thing but he let it go because believes Kevin knows what's doing. And I am trying to convince myself about that too.

The only thing I am not sure about is how to handle the situation without my father noticing anything weird. Lately, I have been very off with my mind. I couldn't focus on lessons, at home, wherever I was my eyes were always moving around to be sure I wasn't followed. I am scared that they are waiting for the right moment to hit me and I need those self-defence lessons now. I know they won't help me with the guns, but if they want to do something like kidnapping, I can try to push them away and run as far as I can, texting Kevin and letting him pick me up.

Asking Kevin, telling Kevin, warning Kevin. Since when my life has only him in it? At the start I wanted this to work, but then I stopped wanting it until I tried again and I found out he is into Mafia. So, I again wanted to stop everything but somehow every time I try to push him away, something pull him on me again.

What kind of joke is this? Is the universe aware of the situation?

I am outside, going back home from university but I sit on a bench to catch my breath. I raise my head at the sky and try to not let my emotion make me the usual overdramatic girl I am.

Mom, I wish you were here. I would tell you everything and I know I would feel safer with you than with anyone else. I scoff and turn my head back down at my fingers before I take a look around me. The street I am at is silent but I can hear the little chaos from the centre. It's 5 pm and I couldn't be at University anymore. I needed my head to clear.

When my head is about to turn back on where I was looking, I see three guys not so far away from me. They're dressed in black clothes and one of them is looking right at me. Not moving his head when I see them, not moving a muscle, anything. He is smiling with his arm crossed against his chest and the other two are looking around. It's them. They're here. I try to act cool, not panicking.

I stand up, take my stuff and move my body towards the opposite side of the street. Before saying anything to Kevin, I will see if they are going to follow me but when I look back at them they're not there anymore.

Where are they? Are they gonna appear right in front of me somewhere on my way back? Why they've been so quiet all these days and now they suddenly are back?

I take a deep breath and move fast when I see my street appearing once I turn the corner. There is no one with me. I don't feel followed. I am safe but they wanted to tell me something.

What if they know what I and Kevin are up to? What if their look was as to tell me: yes, tell him we're here and we never went away. I really wish that the 'she means nothing to me' could have worked.

I put the key into the hole of the main gate and once I am inside, I take a long deep breath, trying to calm down my heart and my trembling hands. I take the stairs so I have more time to calm down and the moment I am in the house, I take my phone to text Kevin. I already took too much time to come back home, I also need to tell him what just happened.