my online lover

twisting

When we're in the car, I take my time to check my phone to see if there are some texts. There is one from Antonio, my dad and Daniele, knowing why we skipped today. I open first the last person one and read that he was just asking how I feel. I text him back and then open the Antonio one.

Tonio

How did it go?

It was hard, I had a breakdown but it always happens

Tonio

At least you were not alone, this time

Then I move my finger to open my dad's chat and he just sent me 'Can I call you?' So I type a 'yes' and wait for him to call me. Meanwhile, I settle my look on the road and a few minutes later, my phone starts to ring. I pick up the call, knowing it is my father.

«Hey, Dad,» I answer trying to sound calm.

«Hey sweetie, how it went?»

I sigh, lowering my gaze to my fingers. «It went,» I answer with a dim voice. «It wasn't easy.»

«Where are you now?»

«To grab something to eat.» I look out the corner of my eyes at Kevin, wondering if he is listening.

My Dad knows he is with me but Kevin doesn't know it. He is unaware that my father wants to meet him and I want to keep this distance between them for at least until the end of the investigation.

But my dad has different plans. «With him?»

I spin my head away from the driver, facing my window and taking a lookout, lowering my voice as I reply: «Yes, I have moral support.» I hear my dad sighing a laugh. «I am fine, Dad. No need to worry. How are you, indeed?»

For some seconds he doesn't reply, I hear nothing from the other side of the phone and I ask myself if he hangs up or if he is thinking. «Not good,» he finally retorts and my heart aches. «This year I miss her the most, I don't know why. It's just so clear her absence. Marina asked if she can come for dinner, so I can be distracted but I don't want to see her.»

I hold my breath. «Dad...»

«I know,» he quickly picks up. «I shouldn't push her away because I have this weird feeling that I am doing something wrong.»

I zoom out. I see myself in those words too, more than I should. «I know what you're living right now. I feel the same way. Feeling like doing something you shouldn't but if it makes you feel good, why push it back?»

I glance at Kevin and see him focused on the road but I am pretty sure he is hearing our conversation. Nosey.

But I hope he is not. Otherwise, I have to give him some answer and I don't want to. He is probably eavesdropping because he wants to know if my father knows.

«Your mom wasn't your wife. Being with someone in this weak moment for you is good,» he comments with a sad voice. «For me, it's like cheating on her.»

I shake my head. «Mom wouldn't want this. She wanted you to be happy also without her. She would never feel betrayed.»

«And have a dinner all together like a family? Today? I can't.»

«Dad, I can go to Antonio for dinner, it's not a big deal.»

I check the road and see Kevin driving out of the city, heading to the outskirts and suddenly I wonder if we're going to his house or in a quiet place. I keep my doubts to myself, not wanting to ask anything and make the situation too obvious.