Words Not Spoken

V

Do you wanna know what's a weird feeling?
Feeling like I'm being surrounded by strangers while I'm  in a room filled with people I've known my entire life.
Feeling like I'm just a body with a missing soul. That every emotion I put out is fake. That I'm just a replica.
Feeling like my own fingerprints aren't mine, that the feeling of my own skin is something to be dreamed of.
Having to pretend to be someone I hate feels like a nightmare I'm never going to wake up from. That someone saying the words "how was your day" will break my mind.
I've created so many different laughs that I don't know what mine sounds like, I've mimicked other people's emotions to the point of no return. Feeling numb when hearing about death isn't something I want to feel.
Not knowing how to feel when I receive a hug from a friend. Because just the thought of someone holding me seems so far-fetched in my mind that it's almost like a foreign language.
I tell people I'm a writer. Not because I can create sentences so powerful that it causes tidal waves of emotions in your mind. No, it's because when it gets so quiet that I can hear the electricity in my walls, I can close my eyes and create worlds that seem so unrealistic they seem perfect.
A single touch from a lover feels like the first raindrop after a heatwave. Every laugh shared with a friend sounds like a song that you always seem to tune into at the right moment.
Do you want to know what's a weird feeling?
Knowing that I can explain something so well, knowing that someone else can feel the emotions that were felt when it happened. But never knowing what those emotions were myself.