With Amelia dwelling on his mind, Erling found it difficult to concentrate, with many goal opportunites being saved, with the exception of the one he scored. The match had resulted in a draw. Something he knew could've been different if he had been in the right mindset. Amelia plagued his mind, she had looked so broken after jolting awake, and he felt worse knowing he added to that stress. The journey home had dragged out, the two hours it had taken them to arrive them felt longer and more suffocating. He had been itching to get home, plan something that would get her to forgive him. He felt a slight kick to his leg, he looked up to see Jack, who was sat opposite him this time, waving at him to grab his attention. "We're goin out tonight, same bar as that last time you came out with us, Mils is gunna be there. I think you should come."
His heart dropped at the thought of bumping into her. Maybe it would be a good thing, she couldn't ignore him in public, Amelia was one to not want a scene to be caused so he knew she wouldn't walk away from him or start cussing him out. "Yeah, I thought she was working tomorrow but I will come but we go together? I do not want her thinking I came after finding out she is there."
"That is what you're doin' but sure thing, mate and...err...it's not my place to say really but she's been having a hard time recently so her GP signed her off from work for a bit. I'm quite worried for her to be honest with ya, mate."
He had forgotten what the atmosphere of the bar had been like, this time it had been busier, crowded with people packed into the place like sardines. He searched for, knowing it would be of no use, she would drown in the sea of people in the small bar his teammates found solace in. Although it was only his second time stepping foot in the establishment, he could see the appeal. It was a quaint little joint, the walls were exposed brick, and lights that hung low. Too low that he often found himself worrying he'd hit his head on them by simply trying to stand up from his seat. The bar, itself, was central, allowing you to see all sides of the bar. He felt at unease, mind wandering, searching for her.
The group was loud, the later it got, the less people that remained there, going off to different bars or clubs. The dwindling numbers allowed for him to spot her for the first time in the many hours they had been there. She looked smaller, her frame was timid, her hair hiding her face. He wanted to approach her, talk to her; she looked peaceful, enjoying her surroundings. He knew that he hung over her like a grey cloud, bringing the pouring rain into her life and he didn't want to interrupt her. It was like she could feel his gaze on her, she turned to face him. It had been the first time that night, he had been able to see her face. It was written all over her that she was intoxicated. His breathing quickened out of worry for her, remembering their conversation a week prior about how she hated the way drinking made her feel, with some exceptions. She quickly moved away from his direct eyeline, trying to blend in with the rest of the crowd. Once he found her again, he observed as she slowly got closer to him, a scene that he wasn't expecting to see. He assumed she would run away at the first sighting of him. Yet, there she was in front of him.
He could smell the alcohol coming off from her. Her once neat makeup was smudged, her lipstick now nonexistent. She was still beautiful. The sight of beauty that reminded him that there was vulnerability to everything in nature, that even the strongest building could crumble at the smallest tremor. Being in her presence was a numious experience. To him, she was simply divine in ways that words could not describe, even in her drunken state. "Erling Braut Haaland, the man of the fuckin' hour." He felt like he had gotten deja vu, remembering their interaction when he first arrived in the city, except this time she was a lot more angrier than she previously had been. "Why are you trying to fuck with me, E? Bet you wanna rip my heart out, is that why?" A scoff escaped her lips. "Your mum was right, I should've made you fight for it, I shouldn't have given in so easy. I hate that I can't hate you, no matter what you do to me. I don't even know who you are anymore! I guess I should've already known that, a lot changes in a year, let alone eight!" She paused, her body swaying as she shifted her weight from one leg to another. "I liked for you for longer than I could remember, you know, Erling. You were right when you said I probably thought about you when I was with my previous boyfriends. I look so fuckin' stupid now. I thought so highly of you. I spoke so highly of you. God, didn't you prove me wrong?"
Erling thought about her words, lingering on the part where she mentioned his mother. Her words stung, a lump in his throat forming. He knew it was the alcohol talking, her words weren't malicious but they still hurt to hear. He wasn't expecting to hear her vent about him like that. "Mia, I am so sorry. Truly."
Amelia rolled her eyes at his words. "Oh yeah? And I'm Batman. If you were sorry, Erling, you wouldn't self sabotage and blow up like a shitty time bomb and hurt everyone in the nearby surrounding. It's shit and I can't keep defending it to myself, keep saying you're only doing it because you can't admit to yourself that you have, no, had feelings for me. You just have to exist and I'd swoon for you. Even after everything, I turned up to all your events. Stood there proudly, even after years of not speaking to you. You, you've never done that for me, not once! You can't even sit with me and comfort me without pushing me away!"
"Mia I-." He was interrupted by her.
"No, Erling, save it. I've already said too much, I should've taped my mouth shut."
His head began to spin, her words hung heavy over him. He felt helpless, like his world had been crumbling around him. He knew it would take a lot for the Australian woman to forgive him but he was willing to try. Jack, having watched the interaction, had put a hand on his teammate's shoulder as an attempt to comfort him, not knowing what use he would add to the situation. Erling gave him a smile in return, thankful for the reminder that he wasn't alone, otherwise he might've just let the tears he was holding back release. He was never the sort of person to show emotion, not to his friends or his family. Amelia was his kryptonite, the weakness to the baricade he built around his emotions. Hearing her tell him that he had never been there for him clenched at his heart, the lump in his throat getting bigger by the minute. Jack gave him a look letting him know that he understood and that he was going to give him space. As Jack's figure retreated, fading into the crowd, he found his legs leading him out of the bar, out to the warm summer air of Manchester.
YOU ARE READING
hard feelings - an erling haaland story
Fanfiction"the whole world knows, but you." "bet you wanna rip my heart out." communication had never been their strong suit but neither of them had expected this outcome but what is there to expect from a generation that found a rush from fucking with their...
