hard feelings - an erling haaland story

thirty-nine

Upset was an understatement, to say the least. Everyone around Erling could sense that he wasn't as perky as he usually was; he was silent and kept to himself, occasionally uttering a few words when someone spoke to him first, but he never started the conversation and kept his head down. He had found the break up harder than he wanted to let on; it wasn't anyone else's business, just his and Amelia's. It felt as though the world had stopped for Erling and he had been living life in slow motion whilst everyone else sped ahead of him. The days merged into one, Erling unable to differentiate between night or day. He often found his father having to remind him of training days and match days.

Amelia found herself doing the opposite, throwing herself into her work, volunteering to cover weekend shifts, not allowing herself to stop for a second. If she did, it would mean feeling all the emotions she had brushed under the carpet, so in an attempt to conceal it, she kept herself distracted. Chloe found it difficult to keep up with her. Everyone knew it was an attempt to isolate herself from them, fearing that if she even uttered a word about Erling to anyone she trusted, she would crack and fall apart, exposing her true feelings to the world. It was better off buried in the sand or so she thought; there is only so much a person can conceal before it comes washing over them like a wave that no one was expecting.

"Mils, you can't be avoiding me, ya know. It's not fair." Jack frowned as he crossed the woman's path whilst she was exiting the gym. "Just 'cos I know Erling. It's actually not on."

"I'm not avoiding you, I'm just busy." She mumbled. "I'll see you around, Jack."

"Fuckin' bullshit." He shouted after her, the anger in his voice causing her to stop in the spot, not wanting to cause a further commotion. "You've worked so much that it's illegal at this point, even Chlo has no clue what you're doing. You don't speak to your mom or your dad. Let alone your poor little brother. It's so selfish. You didn't even have the bloody courage to tell Gio you broke up with Erling and do you know what happened?" Jack paused, awaiting a response from her. Amelia was too embarrassed to even respond, so with her head hanging low, she remained in silence. "Erling had to tell him, Erling had to break your little brother's heart 'cos you're too much of a fuckin pussy to confront how you feel."

"Because you know all about confronting your feelings, don't you Jack?" she scoffed. "You're in no position to be telling me anything about feelings when you run through women 'cause you're so scared of actually forming a bond with any of them. Pathetic!"

She knew she was being spiteful but she couldn't help it, anything to mask her guilt at hurting so many people in the process of protecting her own emotions. The word she spouted was something Jack had confided in her one flirty, drunken night in his flat. They had been sat on his sofa, closer than they both had expected, Jack sipping a beer from the bottle whilst Amelia swirled her drink around with a straw. Jack uttering the words 'I'd probably take you out on a proper date.' much to Amelia's surprise. She didn't respond, not exactly knowing how to respond to him. Instead, she placed a kiss on his lips. 'Nah, we shouldn't. You fancy our Erl and he's proper in love with you. Plus, commitment is proper scary, in't it?' She knew the conversation continued from there but her drunken mind barely registered it all, yet here she was months later regurgitating the information to Jack out of malice.

"Uncalled for, Amelia. You never deserved Erling, you're a selfish little brat who doesn't know how to treat people nicely so she can prevent herself from being hurt. Now who's more pathetic? At least I let my friends in and don't shut them out."

Amelia knew it was better to walk away before she would permanently damage her friendship with Jack, unable to bear the loss of yet another person in her life. Although his words resonated to her, Amelia knew she was in no position to act on anything. If she wanted to maintain the relationships left in her life, Amelia would have to sort her act out but Jack was right, she was selfish. Why put others before you when you were buldging at the edges?

Her evening was spent wallowing in self pity, finally accepting that distracting herself from her reality would lead to an unhealthy lifestyle, and a massive increase in her income tax for the month. Neither of which she particularly wanted, and for the first time in days, she allowed herself to think about Erling properly. She questioned about how he was coping with everything or what his family would've said to the news. She prayed that they wouldn't disdain her for breaking Erling's heart. She couldn't even remember the actions that led her to thinking that breaking up with Erling was the correct decision. Erling never did anything wrong, nor did he say anything that hurt her. Being weary was an innate characteristic of Erling's that Amelia often found frustrating. He would always be hyperaware of his words and his surroundings, fearing that he would upset Amelia or others without realising. It was a trait shared by all the Haaland siblings.

Due to this, Amelia and Erling often found themselves squabbling over a tiny thing such as Erling's habit of constantly asking if his words were okay and if they caused offence. What had happened to cause Erling to constantly check himself was a question that constantly played at Amelia's mind, yet she never found the courage to ask, too fearful that she would dredge up some unwanted memories for Erling.

And within her reflection, Amelia realised that her and Erling had been eerily similar to an outsider's perspective, making them perfect for one another. In that moment, she realised just how much she regret her actions with Erling in front of the clinic that day. She wished she had just told him she was kidding; then they would stay together and live the rest of their lives together and happily. In true Amelia fashion that idea was nothing but a mere dream and here she was a few days later regretting everything whilst in no contact with the man who plagued her thoughts. Despite everything being placed in front of her crystal clear, Jack's words reverbed in her head and they were correct: Amelia never deserved Erling and it was unlikely that she deserved him now.