hard feelings - an erling haaland story

thirty-six

He tucked the bits of his shirt that had found itself untucked as he drove to her flat. She had been unusually silent, not a single reply to his messages, or a voice note venting to him about a patient's family member being rude to her, or askng questions about him, stating "Nurse, you're Haaland's girlfriend aren't ya? Seen yous on his insta proper cheesing."

His fist began knocking on her door, her voice calling out for him to wait. A bubble of anger filling him, she didn't sound unwell, she certainly sounded like she would have no excuse for her silence. He waited impatiently, his foot tapping on the ground until she peered her head around the door, her eyes instantly lighting up and a smile popping on her face. "Baby! I'm so happy to see you."

The action from her was enough to melt the slight anger away. Amelia truly was his weakness. "I've been worried sick about you, Mia. You haven't texted me since this morn-"

He was interrupted by the woman, who took his hand into hers. "E, I've had the day from hell. I'm sorry but just let me explain." She paused, looking up at him, meeting his eyes. He knew she was waiting for some sort of response from him. With a swift nod of his head, he found himself in the standing awkwardly in the hallway of her building listening to her day. "My tyre popped in between patients and then my phone died and it won't turn on, it's been charging all day. I couldn't even text you to make you aware and then when I tried to use my laptop to message you, it wouldn't send anything. In the end, I had to use my work phone to call for help and I spent all of my shift waiting the AA to come to me." She had hardly paused for a breath before she continued. If someone had to ask Erling to repeat all the events she has spouted at him, he wouldn't have been able to. "Then, it started pouring it down and I was stuck outside. Now, we're here, Erling's mad at me 'cos I haven't sent him a message."

He sighed as Amelia looked up at him, eyes wide open. "Why do you always assume I'm mad at everything you do? It's starting to look suspicious on your behalf, Amelia."

Amelia huffed at her boyfriend, it was obvious that his words had instantly irritated her. It had seemed to become a frequent habit of the couple to argue over the others words, almost as though they couldn't bare the thought of forming a conversation with the other. They had a unique form of communication, as of late. It was though any degree of separation was too much separation but being constantly together felt like they were suffocating each other.

"What is there to be suspicious about, Erling? The fact that you're constantly on my case should explain why I am the way I am." She scoffed. "Look, E, I'm really not in the mood for this. I thought you'd be a bit more understanding, I've had a shit day and I don't particularly fancy you getting on my back cos I assumed you were mad when you banged on our door." She sighed, her eyes looking up at him, soft and bright. "I'm sorry for snapping at you."

He frowned, he thought her words were a slight exaggeration but he knew that arguing otherwise would only do more harm than good. With a defeat sigh, he opened his arms and muttered a slight apology to her. He knew it was something that he needn't hold it against the woman, she had been emotionally stable for ninety-nine percent of their relationship. The sudden snapping and constant arguments had been a new occurance. An occurance that never lasted long. In fact, one or the other would usually back down and they'd get back to their usual dynamic.

He often found himself questioning what had caused her overreaction to the slightest things. He wasn't the sort of person to assume it was due to hormonal changes, he was a lot more switched on than that. Plus, Amelia was one to overshare every detail of her life to Erling, something he truly appreciated. However, there had been a weird shift over the previous weeks, it didn't feel like his Mia, she felt different, like she was putting on a faux front for him. He wanted to ensure it wouldn't get the best of him and find himself spiraling down some weird rabbit hole, but he knew that old habits die hard and he would eventually crack and ask her the reason for her sudden change in behaviour. With a single thought playing in his mind, he spoke up.

"Why are you being like that, Mia? I do not understand it."

"Like what?" She raised an eyebrow, much to his surprise, she didn't immediately jump the gun and turn her defence up.

"Whatever this is, you're not being you. You're snappy and get your hood up at the slightest thing. It's like you're constantly on edge."

Amelia looked at him, her gaze asking for permission to touch him. It didn't take a lot for Erling to crumble, but when she looked up at him the way she did it was enough to make him lose sense of everything. It was though everything seemed dull in comparison to the glimmer in her eyes when she looked at him. The effect of one simple glance from Amelia was indescribable.

"E." She paused. "I've been hiding something from you and it's nothing to worry about, I just didn't want to burden you with it all, you've totally got a lot going on and I don't need to add to it."

He scoffed at her. "Amelia, you are being very silly right now. We are boyfriend and girlfriend, we tell each other everything. We've been telling each other everything since we could count to ten. So please, whatever it is, just tell me. I will not be angry or annoyed."

There was an uncomfortable silence in the air as Amelia shifted in her seat awkwardly, her fingers fidgeting with the ends of her hair, as she split the ends apart. "I've just been a bit unwell recently, E. I'm just not me. It feels like I'm watching myself from outside of my own body." Her voice was quiet, in fact, it was the quietest he had heard her speak. "I can't sleep and when I can I have nightmares. I feel like I'm suffocating constantly, my head hurts and I can barely bring myself out of bed. I'm just a bit down, is all. I've just been working through it and seeing someone, I couldn't cope. It's just a bit overwhelming."

Erling felt blindsided. He knew that she had bouts of low moods but not to the extent of where she felt like she couldn't cope. She had always been good at hiding things, but it never really troubled Erling. Amelia never hid things from him, well so, he thought.

He reminded himself that there was a right place, right time to confront his doubts and right now was, in fact, not the time for it. She had allowed herself to be vulnerable and it wouldn't be appropriate for him to bring up his insecurities because his girlfriend had protected him from her troubles and shielded him from it, yet again.

Not attempting to hide his defeat, he let out a deep sigh, holding her hands in his. They were a lot smaller and colder. Even cupped in his hands, they seemed to tremble. "I love you, Mia. I am always here for you."