hard feelings - an erling haaland story

eighteen

As they sat on the outlook, he held her hand in his. A feeling of youth rushing through him. He wondered what sort of trouble they would've gotten up to during their teenaged years, how many scoldings they would've gotten and how many times they would've been caught sneaking out to do whatever scheme they had planned. He felt like he had missed out on so much of his youth without her, like he suddenly grew up after she left his life. "If you say the word, Mia, I could stay with you."

He remembered how she begged for him to say something, something that would indicate he wanted her to stay. There were very few moments when Erling grew to regret staying silent but that moment of silence as the Australian begged for an ounce of noise from him would alway remain top of the list. He knew if he could turn back time, he would. Then, maybe, he would be able to protect her from what life threw at her, keep her sheltered and safe away from harm. Then he wouldn't have to accept that the woman he once knew inside out was a mere shell of her past self. The optimistic girl who had the world at her feet, now presented herself as an exhausted, burnout woman who wanted nothing more than an escape from her reality.

She let out a giggle, the moonlight reflecting in her pupil as she looked at him. "Are you quoting The Beatles, you loser?" He felt a flustered as she teased him, turning his face away as to not make it obvious. "But you don't need to stay, E, I'm going back home on saturday. I'll see you then."

"What if you change your mind? Decide you don't want to see me?"

She sat in silence for a minute, obviously in thought about something, her thinking face something Erling was familiar with. "Then you can take this, so you have an excuse to message me and see me. It's my grandad's wedding ring, it means a lot to me." They sat in silence for a while. No one saying a word, just enjoying each other's presence. The silence between them, that no longer than 24 hours ago, was awkward and tense, now rather comforting. "I don't know what it is about you, Erling. I can never stay angry at you but you can't fuck me around again or else that'll be it. We'll have to move on with our lives, without each other, like it has been for the past few years. Okay?"

Erling gave her a little salute, jokingly letting her know he accepted the terms. "Mia, I would have a bounty out for my head if I hurt you. I don't have any plans on doing so."

She sighed, leaning into his side, resting her head on his shoulder. Her nose filled with an overwhelming smell of aftershave. A scent that felt like home, something she was familiar with; something that brought memories back. "You haven't changed your aftershave ever, have you?"

He shook his head, resting his cheek on her head. "Never, why fix something that is not broken? Plus it reminds me of home."

"You've worn it since we were like twelve. I think I've changed perfumes about three hundred times since then."

"You still smell like you, like waking up early on Christmas day or like just before it rains."

Erling's mind filled with memories of them as children, something that had become a frequent wonder. He wanted to relive the old memories before creating new ones with her. Memories he had cherished and will forever cherish. He noted that she had changed a lot since the first time they had reunited, she seemed more mellow and docile. Not in a way that would be offensive but rather that of someone who had given up and accepted whatever life threw at them. The optimism that shone in her eyes now gone. With other people she seemed so independent and remote, but with Erling, she was different, a different person. He was the only one who knew her like that.

"We should head back, nonna will be worried about us. She likes you, you know. Thinks you've gotten handsome since she last saw you."

"I have gotten more handsome." He teased.

Erling found himself in the midst of another sleepless night. However, unlike the previous night, he had the brunette's legs wrapped around his. Her arm thrown across his torso. She looked peaceful sleeping next to him. He was like an ice sculpture melting at her warm touch. He didn't want to disturb her, in awe of how she looked as she slept. He felt like a creep watching her sleep but he couldn't help himself, he was fixated on her. What did she dream about? What was on her mind as she slept? Did she think about him like he did her? With her weight distributed on him, he found himself fighting sleep.

She awoke early the next morning, after Erling had finally managed to drift off to sleep. It was early in the morning, four to be exact. She knew his flight was soonish but she didn't want to wake him up, knowing how much he struggled to find comfort on the bed that was, most likely, nine inches too short for him. Amelia brushed the hair from his face, tucking it behind his ear, before exiting the room. Her grandmother was still asleep, the darkness engulfing the living room. The apartment complex was old, with every movement resulting in a creak. As she attempted to tip toe across the living room to the balcony door, he let out a groan. She took note of his appearance. How the light from the window exaggerated his features and how his hair waved at the ends, the left side covering his eye slightly. His eyes heavy but still shone a light blue, like a police siren in a dark winter's night. His head almost touching the short ceilings of the Italian building. "Why are you awake, Mia? Come back to bed, I was enjoying the cuddle."

Amelia flinched at the words, unaware that in her sleeping state she had clung unto Erling's side like a small koala. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise I did that."

"Mia, I said I was enjoying it. Stop being so stubborn and come back to bed."

He could barely see her, his eyes not adjusting to the darkness yet. He knew she was staring at him, he could feel her gaze on him. He turned to enter the room again, hearing her hot on his trail. This time he was able to get a good look at her, despite having spent three sleepless hours observing her sleep and storing her appearance in his memory, afraid that he will lose his opportunity in the future.

He reflected on his actions and how he treated her, something he spent most of his time doing. She plagued his thoughts, a mix of both positive and negative thoughts. He envied her ability to forgive people, to move past their qualms and the way he treated her. It was something he would always kick himself for. For hurting the one person who stood by him through thick and thin, for pushing her away when she begged him not to. It had almost become unhealthy how much time he had spent lingering on the idea of hurting her. "Why did you wake up?" A voice dragged him out of his thoughts. She had sat down next to him whilst he was tangled up in his own self-pity. "Are you okay, E?"

He shook his head, throwing it into his hands. "I'm so sorry, Mia. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me the most. I'm sorry that I missed the biggest milestones of your life even though you were there for mine."

"Erling, it's okay. That's not how we work, you don't need to be there for my milestones, graduating uni isn't nearly as big as making your debut in the Bundesliga. You could run me over with your car and I'd forgive you. How could I not when all the good memories outweigh the bad? When you're the only person who makes me feel like me?"