[UNDER HEAVY REVISION] Super Smash Bros Ultimate Headcanons

Fighter #01 - Mario

- Mario's actually a great cook! He and Luigi make Italian food every Monday, using tons of delicious recipes they've learned over the years. The bros even have a secret four-cheese pizza recipe that's been passed down within their family. Sometimes, Peach and Daisy help them in the kitchen and taste-test everything to make sure it's perfect.

- Don't tell anyone, but Mario secretly uses fireballs to heat up the pans when no one is looking. He knows it's not the safest thing to do, but hey, it gets the job done quicker.

- He and FLUDD are often in charge of watering the gardens. Sometimes, Mario will hide behind a bush and spray Bowser just because he feels like it. This usually prompts the Koopalings to get revenge by stealing FLUDD and turning it against him.

- Tending to the gardens means spending a lot of time outside, which means Mario has a lot of time to think, which unfortunately also means he's come up with a lot of stupid ideas.

- One of these ideas involved him trying to reach the top of the mansion using FLUDD's Rocket Nozzle. And if that wasn't bad enough, he's tried doing it numerous times. Needless to say, it never ends well. Mario would probably be dead by now if not for FLUDD's quick reflexes.

- He keeps his cape tucked beneath his overalls just in case the younger fighters spontaneously want to play Superheroes. If a game begins, Mario will bust out his cape in the most dramatic way possible.

- He has two piggy banks that he keeps out in the open. Bowser may tease him for it, but how else is he supposed to store all those coins?

- Let's be honest, he probably has more hidden somewhere.

- Wario is super jealous of how much money he has.

- Ever since he visited Bowser's oriental palace, Mario has been really intrigued by Japanese culture. He and Ryu talk a lot about Japan's history and customs together. Mario wants to speak to Kazuya about it too, but is afraid he'll get thrown off a cliff.

- He's very grateful that Kazuya didn't try to kill him at any point in the past and he doesn't want that to change.

- The plumber is reluctant to pay his taxes. He has no idea where his hard-earned coins are going and it worries him.

- Cappy and FLUDD were a little tense around each other at first, but over time, they became best buds.

- If someone asks him "What's up?", he'll respond with "The sky, of-a course!" every single time without fail.

- Every Valentine's Day, Mario gives Peach a bouquet of carnations with an adorable note.

- He used to like brussel sprouts when he was younger, but grew to despise them as time went on. He'll tell the kids to eat them even though he won't eat them himself. (Lucas thinks he's a major hypocrite because of this.)

- Mario played a major role in constructing Smash Mansion.

- He still says "It's-a me, Mario!" despite the fact that everyone knows his name.

- Joker taught him how to do slight of hand (and now he can't stop.)

- This dude has already planned out his whole wedding. He doesn't know whether or not it'll actually happen, but the plans are tucked safely in his desk drawer if the time ever comes.

- He wants to travel to other fighters' universes because he's genuinely interested in their hometowns and cultures. Not to mention the food; Mario is always down to try new food.

- He'll happily give the other fighters mustache grooming tips despite the fact that almost none of them have mustaches.

- He's the first one called whenever there's a plumbing issue. He's happy to help, but wonders why they can't just get Luigi to do it half the time.

- Mario often listens to music while he works, but sometimes gets a little too distracted by it and ends up having a full karaoke session. Some fighters find this amusing, others think it's super annoying.

- His favorite song is "Lasagna" by Weird Al Yankovic.

- He's amazing at every sport aside from football and anything horse related. He's not that into football (he much prefers soccer) and he has a lot of trouble riding horses. Young Link once tried to teach him how to ride Epona, but that ended up being a disaster.

- Mario rarely ever gets sick. Lucas thinks this is interesting considering he doesn't eat his brussel sprouts.

- He has a strong dislike for anything named Spike. The name alone just brings back bad memories for him.

- He's an undefeated Whack-A-Mole champion.

- Mario still has the W and L emblems from an adventure long past. Sometimes, he'll wear them both just to mess with his brother. Luigi strongly disapproves of this.

- Mario's quite the handyman and is often asked to assist with repairing more than just pipes.

- He and Bowser frequently compete for Peach's affection.

- Spoiler alert - both of them always lose.

- Wario, King K. Rool, and King Dedede are betting to see which one will steal her heart first (Wario bets on Mario and King Dedede bets on Bowser).

- K. Rool is betting on nobody and, so far, it seems like he's winning.

- Mario is always in a cheerful mood, even after he loses a match.

- He and Sonic set up obstacle courses outside sometimes. Usually, their competitive edges get the best of them and they compete to see who can clear the course first.

- These competitions often come with dire penalties for losing.

- One time, they agreed that the loser will have to be the winner's personal butler for the day. Mario lost.

- I'm sure most of you figured this already, but Mario has a pretty high pain tolerance. Once, Bowser kicked him down two flights of stairs and he just got up like nothing happened.

- Mario will never wear his hat on the mansion roof. There was a party on the roof once, and he was standing outside on the balcony when, suddenly, a strong gust of wind knocked his hat off. The poor guy nearly fell over the railing trying to retrieve it. Ever since that incident, Mario refrains from bringing his precious cap up there.

- He and Corrin are in charge of pool maintenance during the summer.

- Mario and Luigi tag team it whenever there are wrestling matches in the Boxing Ring (why wrestling matches are occurring in a boxing ring, nobody knows).

- He loves Princess Peach wholeheartedly and admires her for her bravery during countless negative situations; he's so innocent and pure when it comes to her.

- FLUDD has tons of different nozzles, though only a select few (Default Nozzle, Hover Nozzle, Rocket Nozzle, and Turbo Nozzle) actually have a practical use.

- Sometimes, Yoshi teases him by taking stuff he says too literally. For example, if someone tells him something unbelievable:

"Really? You're-a just pulling my-a leg."

*Yoshi suddenly appears*

"Ow, Yoshi! Stop-a pulling my-a leg!"

- His favorite song from the Smash soundtrack is "Jump Up, Super Star!" Not only does it give him tons of motivation, but it's always nice to hear the voice of an old friend.

Note: Wow, I didn't expect this to come out as long as it did, but I hope you enjoy it regardless! Next week, we'll be discussing everyone's favorite Kremling-bashing, tie-wearing, banana-loving gorilla!