The Family We Choose

Chapter 9

Christmas was a one time deal. She was civil, smiled and dare she say even had a good time. They opened presents together and had a nice dinner with Abuela and Aunt Peppa. It was a beautiful day and Eddie put out a blanket in the backyard to watch the stars.

But as soon as the clock struck midnight she was Cinderella; back to feeling hurt and betrayed. It was like all the negative emotions she was able to hold at bay due to the holidays crumbled down around her once she was alone. Suddenly she was 12 again.

The things she worked through in therapy were staring her right in the face and Emelia had no clue what she was going to do next. She feared the second she was alone with her mom they would just fight again and Emelia was tired.

So she did the only logical thing she could think of and avoid her mom like the plague. She wouldn't enter a room with her unless someone else was with them and the only time she sat down together was during meals.

Eddie noticed and anytime her mom tried to get some alone time she was met with a pointed stare. A small reminder that the only way this would go well was on her terms. But low and behold Eddie wasn't always there to protect her.

She must have been exhausted because there was no way she would have let herself be alone with her mom unless she was on the brink of passing out.

"So how is school going?" she asked and Emelia wanted to scream because this isn't them. This hasn't been them for years now and she couldn't just jump back into this. That was something she worked hard to break with her therapist.

Learning to take things slow and process what was happening. It was part of her own healing to actually deal with things so she wouldn't wind up in another hospital bed. Avoid brushing past the important stuff, emotions were not meant to be bottled up.

It had taken her months to finally be able to do that without having to think about it and she wasn't about to go back to her bad habits.

"This isn't how this works, you can't expect this to just go back to normal. I need time." She says, more calm than she expected.

Her mother nodded in response.

"I don't hate you, I just can't forgive you yet." Emelia said, bringing her plate with her to the kitchen where she could take a deep breath in peace.

Shannon wasn't accustomed to all of the changes that took place while she was gone. Like how there are a few books that only Eddie is allowed to read, the same goes for Karla. Karla was another thing, she was always just there. Don't get her wrong, Shannon was grateful but it was very different to have those extra hands helping her out. There was also Emelia who she used to have to beg to get her homework done, now does it without prompt. Albeit usually on facetime with one of her friends.

Buck was another thing, he came to movie nights and he facetimed with Emelia to help with homework. They still watch Marvel movies together which was something Shannon never really did. Again she was beyond grateful for all these new people in her life.

Things were slowly falling back into place and those small changes she was growing to embrace, except for Eddie shifts. That was something she could never get used to even though the house seemed to have already had a great system.

It started with Chris, he would go to bed after texting Eddie good night. On the 24 hour shift Emelia did the same. On the shorter shift where he just got home later Emelia down right refused to go to sleep until he got back from a shift or would be up in the morning to say good morning before he crashed. Always, every single time, without fail.

No matter what she did, there was no way she could get Emelia off that couch until Eddie walked through that door.

Shannon learned not to fight her, they were in an okay spot right now and she didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that. She usually crashed around 1 anyway.

Two weeks had passed and Shannon was slowly proving to herself and her children that she was going to run this time. Emelia was having trouble believing her, like every moment she spent with her mom she was preparing for when the rug would be swept out from under her again.

It would take her a while to feel safe again in her mothers relationship but she was trying, they bothered. So maybe, just maybe she decided she could let her in a bit.

"I got a 90 on my last science test today." she mumbled, under her breath. Almost as if she was trying to hide but Shannon heard her over the faint sound of the TV in the background.

"That's an amazing sweetie." her mom smiles and she realizes how much she missed her mom's smile. So much that it made her heart hurt.

She nodded her head in response.

"How's history?" At least she remembered the subject she was struggling with Emelia thought to herself.

"Good, Buck helps me with my homework and studying." she notices how when she talks about the important parts in her life, the things she cares about most she is unable to look her mother in the eye.

"Oh that's nice of him."

"Yeah, he's been a big help. With Chris too." with you not being here. Emelia doesn't dare finish her statement. Instead she decides that as much as she is willing to give to her mom. So she focuses back on the TV in front of them.

But Shannon knows, she can feel the tension radiating off her daughter and she knew the crease in her eyebrows meant she stressed out. She also knows this is when she closes up and she has no clue when she'll open up again so she takes a chance.

"Look, I'm completely okay with following your lead. If it takes days or weeks or even years, I'm willing to wait but do you know when you'll be ready to let me in?"

"I don't know, how long did it take for you to be ready to leave your kids." She bites back with as much venom as her body allows and instantly regrets it. She hates being mad at her mother but she feels as if that was her only defense mechanism.

Emelia bites back her apology.

"I deserved that and I deserve everything you said to me before. I'm sorry, whenever you're ready I'll be here." Shannon says to put the conversation to rest and Emelia is grateful.