The Family We Choose

Chapter 11

Tonight was a little different than normal, they knew Eddie would be home within the hour and Shannon offered to stay in place of Carla. Emelia set up shop on the couch, a book in hand with a blanket wrapped around her.

Waiting.

Her mind easily drifted away from her book and to the hospital. How it was so easy to reach out for comfort when all this time she had been so scared it wouldn't be reciprocated. Terrified that the minutes she did her mom would run for the hills. But she was still here.

She may not be fully ready to forgive everything her mother put her through but she's not scared anymore. They gave her a chance to run again, showed her how hard it could be and she still came home at the end of the day. With her mom coming over so often, she's able to see the actions she is taking to show that she isn't going to run. Her mom isn't fully forgiven, she may never be but it's a small start. Enough that Emelia trusts her own emotions not to lash out and not to feel anxious.

Her mom joins her on the couch, she can feel the dip in the cushions next to her and raise her gaze to above her page. Watching as she makes herself comfortable with her own book. Silently telling her daughter that tonight they could wait together.

Emelia can't explain exactly what clicks in her brain but in that moment she trusts that she is ready for the answer to her most asked question.

"Why did you leave?" She asks and she doesn't care that she can see the exact moment her mom's heart breaks. "I mean you said that you needed time but what does that mean? Why did you need time?"

Shannon considers what to say next. She was the mom in this situation and she was supposed to shield her kids from this stuff. At the same time, Emelia was smart and she didn't need her to sugar coat it, she deserved the truth.

"The easy answer would be because I wanted to take care of Grandma but the truth is I was overwhelmed. I was scared and I blamed myself for Chris' illness. I blamed myself for turning you into my co-parent. I needed a break."

Eddie always taught her that the truth hurt but God did it help. Even if she could still blame herself she didn't have to plague herself with wild stories or excuses. She could hold her mom accountable for her actions.

"Why didn't you call back?" She held back her tears, knowing that if she let them fall then anger would follow shortly after.

"I was scared, I knew that if I heard your voice I would want to come back. I wasn't ready, I needed more time."

Emelia nodded her head at her answer, surprising content with the answers. To hear that her mom wanted to come back, was reassuring in some weird way. Even if she didn't act on those emotions until Eddie needed something, it was the want that kept her sane.

"Thank you." she whispers. "But-"

"It's okay." Shannon reassures her with a smile. "You still need time. I promise, no matter how long it takes, I will still be here when you're ready."

And this time, when her mom reached out to her. She didn't pull away.

–

There was a lot on Emelia's mind. School was getting frustrating with a bunch of quizzes and assessments piling up. Then there was her mom and to top it all off, she couldn't get May off her mind no matter how hard she tried.

They had exchanged numbers and snapchats but she had been to chicken to actually message her. Whether it be from actual fear or confusion, Emelia wasn't too sure.

She's never felt this was about a girl before. There was only one other time where she felt this good. Back in 8th grade when Tommy Anderson asked her to the winter dance. There were butterflies in her stomach and a deep blush laying on her cheeks. She smiled the entire week.