All I've Ever Known

05 - Harry

Harry wakes up in a panic, jolting upright in bed and clutching his chest forgetting where he was for a moment and focuses on getting his breathing under control as he rushes for his phone off the charger. He checks the time in LA where his therapist lives, and a sigh of relief washes over him that its only 4pm there meaning that its 7am the next day in Australia, got to love time zones.

He shakily texts his therapist a quick 'it happened again and I'm freaking out' and awaiting her reply. Harry doesn't call as he doesn't know if she's in a session with another client but just as soon as he sends the message his phone is ringing.

He answers but can't speak so lets her do the talking

"Harry?"

He breathes through the phone but can't form words yet, still feeling his body shaking and his eyes filled with tears blurring his vision.

"It's gonna be alright Harry, it was just a memory it's not happening right now. You're safe and you're going to be alright, okay? Breathe for me like we practiced remember? In through your nose, and a big out from your mouth"

Harry does as she says, already feeling calmer from her soothing voice, he takes 6 deep breaths in and out just listening to his therapist talk him through each breath. When he eventually calms down, he starts to feel pathetic and lets the tears fall

"I'm so sorry for bothering you" he mumbles through his tears, a lump forming in his throat at how close he was to sobbing uncontrollably, "I feel so stupid about something that didn't even happen but it's just-" Harry chokes on a sob

"Harry, please don't be sorry. This is my job and that is what I am here for okay? Now talk me through it what happened? Did it happen in your sleep again?"

Harry explains the dream, it happened months ago, and he had gotten a lot closer to getting over it but when he remembers it all in his dreams it's a lot more frightening than the situation actually was. He tells his therapist about the guys that approached him and how they wanted his phone, showed him the knife and threatened him if he didn't give his phone up. Only this time the dream was that they were chasing after him, eventually getting him and stabbing him. Morbid he knows, but it was the most helpless he had ever felt.

After a long conversation with his therapist, she was even able to get some smiles out of Harry after talking about how they came up with a stupid saying to help make him feel better about panicking at a stupid situation. He eventually hung up with a copious amount of thanks on his end.

He laid back down in bed and focused on his breathing. He had a day off today and didn't feel like leaving his hotel room, he never did when his morning started with a panic attack. He got out of bed and took his medication walking around his too large hotel room when an idea popped into his head. He should text Louis.

Harry knew that's probably not a smart idea and didn't want to seem desperate as he knew he came on a bit strong yesterday. He knew exactly what he was doing singing to the VIP box last night and hoped that it didn't make Louis uncomfortable.

With anxiety swarming through his mind, he reached for his phone trying to craft a message to Louis. After 10 minutes, groaning in frustration from typing and re-typing his text, he hits send before he can overthink it any more than he already had. Harry glances back down at the message and cringes when he re-reading it, hoping that Louis would find it nice and not read into it too much.

'Hey Lou,

Feeling a bit lonely today and kind of up for some company. What are you up to today? Was thinking of having a movie day and cooking something for you if you were interested? I also wanted to talk about last night and check that you actually had a good time, and I really liked you being there. Let me know if you want to hang out.