All I've Ever Known

19 - Harry

A/N: Hello!! I'm not sure if anyone is actually reading this story when it's updated but if you are I appreciate you! Let me know in the comments what you think of this chapter and if you have anything in particular you'd like to see in the future for H & L

All the love, Jess x

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Louis was resting on the couch, drifting in and out of states of consciousness as Harry watched him lovingly from the other side of the hotel room. He was lounging in a large arm chair writing in his journal, song ideas, lyrics, music video ideas, the usual. It was coming up to 8pm and they still hadn't discussed if Louis was staying with Harry or if they were going to part ways tomorrow. Harry's stomach gave out when him and Louis were talking about them parting, he wasn't sure if he wanted to do long distance so early on in their relationship. But he would do anything for Louis, he just didn't know if it was fair to ask him to stay with him. Of course, he wanted to more than anything, he just didn't want to make the relationship all about him and purely what he wanted. Louis had more to consider than just Harry, he had a son, a new documentary coming out soon, album press to do, he was probably missing out on heaps of promo that he could be doing, so why was he staying? Was it purely out of love? Or some weird obligation that he felt to Harry?

His mind was swirling with so many thoughts, so many possibilities as to the outcome of the next couple weeks. Harry was going to be on tour for another month, sure he had breaks in between but he wouldn't be going back to London until the end of March. He couldn't ask Louis to hang around with him for another month, essentially being Harry's groupie, as much as that would be fun and he loves having him in the crowd of his shows. It fills him with so much adrenaline, he knows that the fans have noticed how energetic he has been at his Australian shows, he's gotten so much feedback from Jeff about how happy he and the team have been with how this leg of the tour is going. Still, he can't help but replay over and over again his and Louis' conversation about him staying, he had said he didn't want it to be fair. What on earth could that have meant? He was so unsure of what Louis was asking of him, lost in his thoughts he hadn't heard his boyfriend ponder over to him until he was sitting on the arm of his chair and rubbing his fingers through Harry's messy hair.

"You're awfully quiet over here baby, is everything okay?" He kissed the top of his head, pulling his body flush against Harry's.

"Yeah" Harry murmured, "Just writing, thinking"

"Thinking? What about?" Louis asked softly, still carding fingers through his hair, Harry sighing at the feeling

"I feel selfish" Harry whispered

"Selfish? What on earth for?" Louis said, his voice was high pitched and full of concern

Harry let out another big sigh, "For wanting you to stay"

"Harry look at me" Harry did, only to find Louis smiling softly at him, he brushed his fringe out of his cerulean blue eyes that were so captivating

"Ask me to stay" Louis breathed out, his face inching closer to Harry's

"I- Lou" Harry sighed, slightly frustratingly

"Harry" Louis' tone was soft, "Ask me to stay, please"

"I can't" Harry whispered, Louis fingers removed from his hair then and he silently got up and walked across the room to the bedroom, closing the door softly.

Harry let the tears fall then, slumping back in his chair as he choked back sobs. He didn't want to leave Louis, that was certain, he also didn't want Louis to stay and miss out on his life, he was afraid. So scared that Louis would resent him one day, what if he stayed and something happened that he was needed back home, and instead of being there he was with Harry? What if Louis was forgetting that he also had obligations, contracts in place that couldn't be broken, what if he was giving up too much for Harry? He just couldn't ask him to do that, it's too selfish, he couldn't have that. But he also couldn't be without him, he was in so deep and he didn't want to leave this bliss that they were having in Australia.