All I've Ever Known

08 - Louis

As soon as Louis got back to his apartment he flung himself into the bathroom, crouching down against the toilet and tried to let his guts spill open. He was sobbing just willing to feel a release from his morning with Harry, he cried harder when he shoved his fingers down his throat and nothing happened, he hated not having a gag reflex sometimes. Giving up after a few more painful minutes until he was tasting blood, he collapsed on the bathroom floor letting himself cry over his feelings for Harry.

He knew that Harry had probably wanted him too, it was kind of obvious and Harry had never been good at hiding his feelings when he liked someone. But that made Louis even more confused, why would Harry want him again if he could walk away so easily all those years ago? Why could he just float back into Louis' life and make it impossibly harder for him to breathe? He's not sure how long he laid on the floor of his bathroom just crying until his phone started ringing, it was Lottie.

He stood up quickly and tossed himself on the bed trying to calm his breathing, it failed, and he answered the call choking out –

"H-hey Lot" She knew straight way something was wrong, but when she asked, 'are you okay?' Louis let himself cry again.

He told her everything, from seeing Harry on the beach and their late-night McDonald's trip, how he had gone to his concert and the song that he sung which Lottie told him was called 'Love Of My Life'. Louis cried harder at the title of it. He told her about the photo in Harry's phone contact of Louis and spending the night at Harry's last night and how he had wanted to talk about their relationship. He even told Lottie about Harry's anxiety issues and how he had seen that he was on medication for it, he noticed because it was the same one that Fizzy was on when her mental health got really bad. He cried at the thought that Harry had been struggling too, maybe just as much as Louis but in a different way.

Lottie was so patient and didn't speak a word until Louis told her everything that had happened over the past days. He was worried when he finished speaking and she hadn't breathed a word to him.

"Lot?" Louis muttered confused.

"Louis, it's so obvious that you still love him, it's even more obvious that you still love him too whether or not you'll admit that to yourself", Louis couldn't hold back his scoff

"But-"

"No! No 'buts' Lou, do you remember what you said to me when you told me you were going to go to Australia?" Her tone got softer the more she spoke, as if nervous to scare Louis off

"Yeah 'course, said that I just had a feeling about it" He replied, the lightbulb clicked then, and he let out an "Oh"

Lottie chuckled on the other end of the line, "Exactly, look, for no rhyme or reason at all, the universe works in wonderful and mysterious ways, maybe this time it was working you and Harry back together and I don't think you should be so scared. I know last time it broke your heart, but you're a completely different person now. You're so much stronger, braver, I think you deserve some happiness and to give you and Harry another chance"

Louis didn't say anything for a long time, so long that Lottie had to ask if he was still there, he hummed, not really being able to form proper words as the realisation dawned on him.

"Thank you, Lottie. Y'know I'd like to take some credit for what a fine person you've grown into" Lottie chuckled back at Louis agreeing with him before they were saying goodbye and Louis hung up.

Louis laid back on the bed and his mind began to race. Why did he feel this pull towards Australia? Why was he so scared to be with Harry again when everything was perfect? Until it wasn't Louis, his brain reminded him. He believed some truth in Lottie's words and maybe there was still some love for Harry there. I mean, of course there was, no one forgets their first love, ever.