All I've Ever Known

07 - Harry

Harry woke feeling warmth from the sunshine on his chest, he then realised he was too warm from just the sun. He opened his eyes and felt a body pressed tightly against his back and an arm flung around his waist. Not wanting to ruin the moment he let himself snuggle back into the pillows with the only one thing running through his thoughts, Louis.

He had woken up to credits playing on the TV last night, as he looked at Louis who had fallen asleep on the couch, his head cocked to the side in an uncomfortable position. Harry knew that he had taken a risk carrying him into his bed last night to sleep, but he thought that Louis would get confused and disorientated if he had put him in the guest bedroom by himself. He used that in his justification as to why he tucked him in next to him that night.

Harry had no regrets at the current time as he listened to Louis quiet snores and felt his chest rise and fall against his back. He laid there for a few more minutes until realising how much he needed to pee. He cursed to himself quietly, carefully removing himself from Louis' grasp and slipped into the bathroom as quietly as he could.

While washing his hands, he peered into the mirror and rubbed his face over his growing stubble. Deciding not to shave it as it made him feel more mature, he splashed water on his face to control his nerves about Louis finding out he spent the night with Harry. Nothing happened but he still felt like there was a ticking time bomb underneath the pair of them, and he wasn't sure when it would erupt. He could have sworn that he felt Louis stirring last night too and maybe it was just paranoia on Harry's end, but he had tingles in his arm and the back of his neck where Louis was slowly puffing his breath against.

With that thought in mind, he threw on some clothes and headed towards the kitchen to make them some breakfast. Harry reached into his backpack and fumbled with the stupid child lock system on his medication, uncapping it and taking one. He had forgotten his dose last night and could feel it this morning, recognising the racing thoughts and the trembling in his hands.

He took some eggs out of the fridge and began stirring them up in a bowl to scramble them, popping some bread in the toaster and boiling the kettle. He had some left-over ingredients that he had to use in the next couple of days until he left, feeling like baking he began mixing the ingredients for pancakes, wishing that he had some hash browns to go along with everything. Lost in his own thoughts he had a melody stuck in his head as he was flipping pancakes and sipping on his coffee. He reached for his phone, humming the melody into his voice recorder app, opening up his notes typing in;

'Song Idea

Maple syrup, coffee

Pancakes for two

Hash brown, egg yolk

I will always love you'

He heard shuffling from in the bedroom and hurriedly went back to the kitchen, finishing up the eggs and pouring Louis his cup of tea. When Louis emerged, he was glad that he had just swallowed his mouthful of coffee because there would have been a spit take. Louis' hair was messy and fluffed to perfection, he had sleep in his eyes and was wearing a pair of Harry's track pants and had no shirt on, he was stunning. Even that word seemed to lack how beautiful Louis was, Harry had to force himself to look away and took the eggs out of the pan, handing Louis his cup of tea.

Louis gave him a sleepy smile and took a sip, "G'morning" He said groggily. Harry was gone for this man, his dopy smile and the low hanging pants on his hips had Harry opening and closing his mouth like a stupid fish as he struggled to find words to actually say. Luckily Louis kept talking so he didn't have to.

"Sorry I kind of passed out here last night, your bed is extremely comfy though so I'm not really complaining" Louis had made his way over to the kitchen bench by then, plopping himself in it and sending Harry a cheeky smile. He smiled back bigger than he probably should of, but he was done with holding back his feelings now, if he held back Louis would just figure it out like he had years before anyways.

"It's fine Lou, hope you don't mind me carrying you into my bed, I just thought if you woke up somewhere strange you might have gotten confused or something, but sorry if you didn't- I-I mean like-"

"Harry, it's fine, thank you for letting me stay" Louis sounded sincere and so Harry didn't do anything but smile, he had finished plating up their breakfast and bought it over to Louis who suggested eating on the balcony with a sparkle in his eye, and well, who was Harry to ever say no to Louis.

They finished their breakfast, well Harry did, Louis picked at it a bit and ate some of it but claimed that he wasn't that hungry but assured him that it was delicious. Harry was concerned as the Louis he remembers would have polished it off and gone back to eat the rest of the eggs out of the pan. The thought that stung though was the fact that maybe he wasn't the same Louis. They sat in comfortable silence, Harry watching Louis smoking and posting on Twitter about his upcoming movie. Harry beamed and felt so proud of the lad for all that he had achieved over the years. Harry hated that he was so far removed from it, from Louis' life, and he had no way of apologising or making up for the fact that he had not seen him since the week that Jay died.

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, Harry's phone began to ring, it was Jeff.

"Hey Jeff" Louis eyes were on him for second then quickly looking away. Harry could tell he was listening to his conversation while still scrolling on Twitter, he didn't mind so he stayed put.

"Hey Harry, so are you all set for that interview in an hour? I've got Bill who will come get you to take you there and then you can have the night off?" Harry groaned, shit he completely forgot he was meant to be going down to a local radio station this morning, in an hour apparently.

"Y-yeah, sorry I-fuck I completely forgot about it, Jeff. But yeah, I'll get ready now, sorry" Jeff didn't seem too upset that Harry had forgotten, after all he had a lot of interviews and appearances and it was kind of Jeff's job to get him from A to B.

"Everything okay?" Louis asked softly, fuck, Louis. Harry didn't want to leave him, didn't want Louis to leave.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry Lou but I have this radio show I'm meant to do and they're coming to get me in like an hour, and I'm not even showered-" he continued rambling until Louis cut him off

"Harry! It's fine, you're here for work I completely get it don't stress. You know where to find me" Louis smiled putting his cigarette out and standing, Harry did the same and must have shocked Louis by the gasp that left his lips, pulling him into a hug.

The hug was quick, and Harry didn't want to pull away, but he was anxious to get ready as he needed to go soon. The pair parted ways, Harry walking him out of his hotel door and promising to text him before he went to Melbourne in a couple days.

**

Harry was exhausted, the interview went well but he was so tired from his mind overthinking every little thing from the last two days. It's only been two days and he feels like he can't get Louis out of his mind. He knows he's coming on too strong, he knows that he can't have these feelings for Louis again, and yet since only thinking about him the past days it's like he can breathe again. He can feel his heart pounding at every thought of him, especially with how down right delicious he looked this morning.

Harry groaned out loud and needed to shower to cool off his perverted thoughts. He let the water run over himself and tried, prayed to think of anything else. He closed his eyes but all he could think about was Louis smile, his suggestive wink at Harry, how low his pants were sitting on his hips this morning, god his hips, the press of his body against Harry's. Suddenly, Harry was painfully hard.

He groaned in frustration and thought for a solid few minutes on whether to turn the shower to cold, or let his mind wander some more. He hadn't properly been with another man in an alarmingly long time. No one properly since Louis anyways, it had only been messy hand jobs and drunk blow jobs in between 'girlfriends', and Harry wanted to be with Louis again. Not just sex, well yes obviously sex, but be with him in any way he could. The fact that Louis hadn't had anyone since Harry as well messed with his head, he hadn't let any other man fuck him since Harry, never had let anyone else touch him like he knew that Louis desperately craved.

With that thought in mind he wrapped a hand around himself, moaning Louis name minutes later after picturing him on him knees in front of Harry in the shower which put him over the edge. The guilt that followed stopped him from returning Louis' text that afternoon.