your not so bad

do I love him

Draco:

We left the train with a wave and friendly smile. He went off to probably go find his friends. And I walked off to find Pansy and Blasie. I found them deep in conversation with their arms wrapped around each other. I stood there for a second before clearing my throat loudly. They both turned to look at me.

"Oh Draco, darling. There you are," Pansy said in her almost sickenly sweet voice.

"Yea, I was going to ask about your guys break, but it looks like your closer than usual so I can only guess," I said, trying not to sound rude.

I obviously didn't because Pansy started bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet.

"Yea, my parents were in Egypt learning about dragons all summer and they sent me to Blaise's house. We got super close and-," she got cut off by Blasie wrapping his arms around her waist, stopping her movement.

"We're together now mate," Blaise said with a smile. Pansy nodded fastly.

"That's great news, I'm happy for you two," I said while looking between them.

"So how about you. Did you get hitched with Greengrass. Or did you find yourself a good girl, or guy," Pansy said with a smile big enough to be seen from a mile away. My friends knew I was bi since third year. I shook my head slowly.

"No, I'm not hitched with Greengrass, and I didn't find anyone," I said, a slight tinge of sadness in my voice.

"It's okay mate, you'll find someone," Blaise said, no doubt trying to sound hopeful. I shook my head again.

"No, I'm Malfoy. Ex death eater, tried to kill Dumbledore, helped tear down the school. No one is going to like me. I still wonder why I decided to come back," I said as the feeling of tears pricked behind my eyes.

"Don't say that Draco, you'll find someone," Pansy said.

"Yea mate, just have hope," Blasie added on.

"Yea whatever. Let's go, don't want to be late," I said while putting my chest in the carriage that carried all of our years bags to the school. I got in one with them and we were quite the whole way there.

While the sorting hat sorted all the first years, and McGonagall gave the speech, since Dumbledore was dead obviously. I had my eyes glued to the spot in front of me. When the feast appeared I didn't have any appetite, I looked up and saw Harry looking at me, we kept eye contact until one of his friends said something and he looked away to answer them. I looked back down at the table.

"Draco," Pansy whispered, "are you okay," she asked. I glanced at her.

"Yea I'm not hungry, just tired," I lied. My thoughts couldn't leave Harry. Since when was he Harry to me, and not Potter?  But they wouldn't. When everyone was dismissed I quickly got up to leave.

"One more thing, all eighth years will have their own dormitory. So I would like you to follow the Headboy and girl, the heads of each house has already been informed on where to go, goodnight everyone," McGonagall said. We all left. Granger was the Head girl and some Hufflepuff boy was the Head boy.

When we got to the new Commons room we got told the code, and that since there wasn't as many of us that we would be sharing rooms, girls shared with girls, boys shared with boys. Since there wasn't that many houses would be mixed. I hoped I didn't get stuck with anyone that bad.

We were told to go find the door with our name and we all left. I lingered behind so I wasn't crowded as much.

When I found my room I didn't check who else was in there. I walked in and saw Harry laying on a bed without a shirt on, reading a book. He looked up and I blushed. We would be sharing a dorm all year, just the two of us, great. I got settled in and went to the restroom to change. I got in my silk pajamas and went to go lay down.

"Draco," he said quietly. I looked up and he had his book down. Our eyes held each other's gaze.

"Yes," I said, looking back at the ceiling.

"Thank you for what you did on the train," he said, sitting up. I thought for a moment.

"It's no problem, I was just doing the kind thing," I said looking at him. His face went to a look of confusion.

"Why though, you never have been kind to me before. You've always bullied me and my friends. You ridicule me. You've tried making my life a living hell. Not like it wasn't already," he said, standing up.

I looked at him with a blank stare. I didn't know what to say. He was right of course, but still, a wave of anger washed over me.

"You want to know why Potter. Maybe because I'm trying to be a better person. Mabey I don't want to be mean anymore. Maybe I never wanted to be," I said, my voice steadily increasing. I rose out of bed and stood across the room from him.

"But I did, so why change now, right. I'm just Malfoy. The boy who ruins peoples life. The person who doesn't have feelings. Who doesn't have love and affection for anyone. I'm the one that can't be loved. The schools death eater," I practically yelled while walking to him.

I was a foot from him. He was taller than me. Which he definitely got that hight after the war. He also had a slight muscular build. His piercing green eyes burned into mine.

"I never thought of you as a death eater, or someone without feelings. I also never thought as you of someone without love or affection. Someone who ruins lifes. And you can be loved. I love you," he said the last part in a whisper that I almost didn't hear.

"What do you mean? You wha-," I was cut off as he smashed his lips to mine.

One of his hands wrapped in my hair, the other on my waist. My hands rested on his chest. My eyes closed reluctantly. He pushed me onto his bed and reconnected our lips.

I started pulling his pants down. His hand shot to mine, pushing me away. He got off of me and backed away quickly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry," he said quietly. I sat up on my arms and looked at him. I got up and went to my bed. I layed down and faced away from him.

I heard him pull a shirt on and open the door.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers before he left. I broke out in silent sobs.
Why would he do that. Why would he kiss me. Why did I want him to not stop. Do I love him?

I got out of bed, got dressed, and left the room. I was walking down the halls when I heard someone coming around the corner. I ducked into the nearest door. I was in a girl's bathroom. Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. She swooped down from the window. I slumped down to the floor with my head in my hands.

"Your Draco Malfoy! Why are you here," she questioned.

"I was walking and heard someone coming. This was the closest room," I said. She was silent.

"You sound sad. Are you alright," she said, sounding concerned.

"I had something stressful happen," I said, my voice cracking.

"Tell me about it," she said. I told her about everything. From the train up until I ended up here with her. She was quite.

"He's came in here talking about you a lot," she said.

"H-he did," I questioned. Looking at her. She nodded slowly.

"Oh," I whispered. She looked at me then out the window.

"Well it's getting close to sun break. So this is fair well since you have to go. Goodbye," she said the last word followed by a wail and then glided into her toilet.

I stood up and dusted myself off. When I got back to the room Harry wasn't there. I undressed and layed down.

After a while he came back in.

"Draco, Draco are you up," he whispered. I pretended to be asleep so I didn't have to talk to him yet.

I heard him sigh and walk over to me. He placed a light kiss on my temple and brushed my hair back from my face.

He went back to his side of the room and started undressing. He got in bed and after a while I heard his breathing even.

Only then did I allow myself to relax enough to sleep. I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.