Allure

Chapter Five

I swallow, mulling over his question. He releases my hand and takes a sip of his drink, as if giving me a moment to think.

To be honest, when Becca first told me about the club and Matteo, I was pissed and flat out refused. I felt almost betrayed that she would just offer me to up to a strange man so soon after I divulged my deepest secrets to her. My preferences were something I kept under lock and key. No one could know, because when people found out, the damage was irreversible. Becca understood my initial reaction and when she assured me that Peter had in no way promised me to Matteo, I felt a bit better. Apparently Matteo mentioned that he was reinstating his membership and was going to be looking for a submissive, and asked Peter if he knew of anyone at the club. Peter brought up the fact that Becca had a friend who was interested in the lifestyle, and he would find out if I was interested in meeting.

After I had some time to think it over I agreed, thinking "when else will I get an opportunity to explore this side of myself safely?" Once I confirmed my interest, Peter told Matteo who I was, and had temporary membership paperwork sent to me, with him as my sponsor. I make very good money as a lawyer, but I know damn well these memberships are probably as much as I make in a year. If things work out with Matteo, he would provide a membership for me, as Peter does for Becca.

In the weeks leading up to tonight, I ran over a million scenarios in my head. I pictured walking into a seedy club with people having graphic deviant sex on every surface. Women being whipped, with metal clamps on their bodies. Matteo would be cold, dominant and terrifying. I almost talked myself out of the whole ordeal, but Becca insisted it would all be okay. That's how it's always been with us, I'm hesitant to do anything if Becca hasn't already scoped it out.

I focus my thoughts back onto Matteo's question.

"Why?" I think to myself. Why am I here? The simple answer is that this club holds the possibility to satiate a craving that I haven't been able to understand, scratch an itch I've been unable to reach. I have always known that I have unusual sexual desires, and for the longest time I believed something was wrong with me. I would feel guilty each time I experimented or fantasized, and that bliss ruining guilt is still something I struggle with today.

I look up, lost in thought, to find Matteo gazing into my eyes. "Well?" He prompts in his silky voice. I exhale, shaking my knee in an involuntary anxious tick, my eyes snapping down as he places a warm hand on my leg, steadying the movement. "You don't have to be nervous, Heather. You're free to speak your mind here, with me." He murmurs.

I feel a small flame ignite in my heart as he says that, and it's the courage I need to finally speak. "To be honest, I'm here because... I'm curious. There's this part of me, that no matter how many books I read, or blog posts I write, I can't understand. I've tried to explore it with my exes, but it's never..." I trail off, searching for the word I'm looking for.

"Satisfied you?" He purrs, finishing my thought. My eyes widen. "Exactly." I breathe. He smiles, his hand stroking small circles on my skin. "Is this okay?" He asks softly, glancing down at the movement. I nod, my lips parting slightly at the caring tone in his voice. He's not at all like the monster I was picturing. He's cool and collected and has an easy confidence about him. I've just met the man, but somehow I feel a sense of calm and safety when I'm in his presence.

"You know, Heather, that's why we are all here as well. We're all searching for that missing piece, that release that we crave so deeply. Peter told me that you have had some doubts about entering the lifestyle, that you may feel a bit uneasy about wanting the things you want. Is that true?" He asks, dark eyes searching my own.

I debate lying and telling him that I am confident in my interests, but somehow I know he would see right through my bullshit. So instead, I avert my gaze and sigh. "Yes, honestly, it's true. I feel ashamed, my sexual identity has been a huge obstacle in my life. It's caused me some serious issues, when people found out that had no business knowing." I said softly.

"You don't have to be concerned about that here. Everyone is sworn to secrecy. I understand your fear, and it's very common to feel this way. Engaging in our lifestyle is an extremely vulnerable act, for both parties. That's why trust is an absolute requirement of any arrangement of this nature." He says.

"I know, I'm not worried about that..." I trail off, feeling unsure of myself. He places a finger under my chin and gently raises my head to meet his gaze. "It's normal to feel doubts, but if you want to explore this side of you, I can help. All you have to do is trust me, and allow me to guide you." He says softly.

I furrow my brows, wanting desperately to look away. "I don't understand," I say softly. "You've been travelling for so long, and you must be dying to get back into your lifestyle. Why waste your time with someone who doesn't even know what they want, what their limits are. Why not find someone more experienced?" I question.

"I thought about that," he confesses. "But no one I found peaked my interest. To be honest with you, Heather, you almost remind me of myself. When I discovered this world, it was like a missing part of me clicked into place. I enjoy helping people discover that for themselves, I consider it an honor to be a part of someone's self discovery. The first dominant a submissive engages with is crucial to their own journey with the BDSM lifestyle. It's important to find someone you can place all of your trust in, someone who won't push you further than you need to be pushed." He says passionately, and I swear my stomach does a cartwheel.

"And as much as you need someone to teach you, I need someone to teach. I crave that, I've craved it for the last several years. I've dabbled in clubs here and there, but my travels didn't allow me to develop a long term arrangement." He finishes, waiting for me to speak.

"In the books I've read..." I start softly, "Doms and subs are described as needing eachother. As much as the subs need to be dominated and relinquish control, the doms need their submission and obedience. Would you say that's true?" I ask.

He nods intensely, reaching up to brush a strand of hair behind my ear. "You couldn't be more correct about that. Someone's done their research." He replies, a twinkle of pride flashing in his eyes.

"That sounds nice," I think, "to be needed like that." I reach up and fidget with my necklace, a thin gold chain with a heart pendant, identical to the one Becca wears. He follows the movement with his eyes, and I make up my mind, my stomach nervously tossing as I prepare myself to speak.

"So what happens next," I ask, "if I decide I want to move forward with this?" A pleased smile comes onto his face, and he squeezes my thigh gently.

"Well, the first step is a tour." He smirks.

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Who's ready to explore club Allure???

Thank you for reading!

-Rose