Not made for me - Minsung

Chapter 13

Minho hardly walked to his house, his legs heavy, his chest empty.

When Minho got home, he was trying to hold back his tears as much as he could. He hated crying, but he felt like a bunch of daggers were piercing his stomach repeatedly, the pain growing and tightening his throat.

A few tears had already escaped his eyes, but he wiped them away with his hands everytime. 

Even if he did try hard to not show how broken he felt at the moment, the second Minho arrived at his house, Hyunjin saw it. Hyunjin saw the sad expression on his face, the redness around his eyes. He knew the boy wasn't feeling well.

"Come here"

Minho sat down on the couch as Hyunjin called for him. Minho couldn't look at him in the eyes, he felt ashamed to be seen in such a condition.

"Hey... What happened?" Hyunjin asked, seeing his friend with the most devastated face. His voice was sweet, trying to enter Minho's mind.

"Well, things went wrong" He said, chuckling bitterly as he struggled to hold back his tears.

"Tell me" Hyunjin asked, letting Minho take the time he wants to.

"Jisung" He started, Hyunjin nodding and immediately understanding "He told me to leave him alone" He stated, lowering his head.

"Why"

"I don't know. He slept in my room last time I saw him. Then he disappeared and ignored me. I saw him in the street earlier. I wanted to ask him if everything was going well, but he asked me to leave him alone" Minho explained, his voice cracking a bit.

"Wow" Hyunjin said, he didn't know how to answer.

"If I can be honest, I kinda knew it would happen" Hyunjin added "But I didn't know that it would go this far"

"Well, I should have listened to you" Minho responded, the same bitter chuckle following.

"What are you going to do?" Hyunjin asked

"Leave him alone. That's what he wants, who am I to cross the boundaries he set?" Minho said, getting sad at the thought of doing so.

"I kinda hoped that you were going to be the one who would change him" Hyunjin explained, leaving Minho purely confused

"What do you mean?" Minho raised his head

"Well, you see, Jisung isn't like that for the only pleasure of hurting people" He started, as Minho nodded "Ji has... some kind of unhealthy behavior you know" He added but Minho frowned, not understanding. "And he may hurt way more than you think"

"Look, it's not my place to tell. But he really does struggle with his mental health, and that's the reason he pushed you out" He said as Minho felt like he finally had the answers to his questions.

"I'll try to ask him" Minho said and Hyunjin nodded.

"Thank you Jinnie" Minho said as he stood up, going to his room and closing the door, wanting to be alone for a few minutes.

He didn't think more and went to his bed. The second his head touched the pillow, he let out all the tears he was holding, crying his eyes out into the pillow that used to smell like Jisung.

On the other hand, Hyunjin was deeply worried for Jisung.

Jisung hasn't been in that kind of breakdown in a long time, this was worrying.

Hyunjin could see how Jisung seemed happier around Minho. Even if their relationship did revolve around sex, Jisung always seemed more smiley with him, and a sincere smile this time.

He decided to go see the boy, to see how he was. He needed to be there for his ebst friend.

And he did

When he arrived at Jisung's apartment, he saw how the boy was completely out of it. Chan opened the door, and Jisung was already sleeping after breaking his mirror with his own hands.

Chan had things to do, so he decided to leave the house as Hyunjin was there.

When Jisung woke up and saw the worried expression on his best friend, he started sobbing again, more tears flowing out of his eyes.

"Shh, it's okay" Hyunjin said as threw himself to hug him, he carressed the boy's head.

Hyunjin had done this so many times before.

Hyunjin was there for Jisung's hardest moments, he helped him a lot to take his mind off all the nightmares constantly running around in his head.

Hyunjin was the one who explained to Jisung that being loved isn't something that have rules or principles. It's not something that has to be commanded or set.

Love is unpredictable.

Love isn't a mold were you belong or not.

He tried so hard to make him understand that.

"Why?" Hyunjin asked, Jisung knew what he was reffering to

"It's not made for me" Jisung repeated, hardly even able to talk. His voice was hoarse and he stuttered a lot.

"Who said it?" Hyunjin asked, still carressing his head soothingly.

"Them" 

"And what did we said about what 'them' says?" Hyunjin asked, as if he was talking to a child

"That what they think doesn't matter" Jisung repeated, slowly gaining his breath back

"Exactly" Hyunjin praised "You know that you're my best friend?" Hyunjin asked

"Yes"

"And what does best friends feel between them?"

"They love each other"

"Then why do I love you if you aren't made for this?" Hyunjin asked, the question he used to repeat to Jisung before.

"Because you're stupid" Jisung said, receiving a shake from Hyunjin. "It cannot happen Hyun, it's too hard for me. It's too hard for my mind" Jisung said, desesperation emanating from him.

"We'll found a way baby... we'll found a way" Hyunjin whispered to him, tighting the hug.