Not made for me - Minsung

Chapter 15

Minho brought Jisung to a pretty park, it was a bit far and they had to ride for some time, but Jisung felt right, he felt the wind, embracing Minho tightly to not fall off the motorcycle.

Minho put down a cloth on the grass, taking the food out of his bag and looking at Jisung expectantly. The sun was shining and they were ready to have the most perfect lunch.

"You like it?" He asked, his eyes twinkling in excitement. Jisung chuckled at the reaction.

"I do" Jisung answered "You didn't have to do so much thought" He said, eating some chips that were set on the cloth.

"I wanted to" Minho said, sitting with his legs crossed. He looked at Jisung's hand, getting shocked from the big bandage on it.

"What happened?" He said, carefully picking his hand up to examine it.

"I had some kind of crisis" Jisung responded, not taking his hand out of him "I broke a mirror"

"What?"

"You'll understand better lately"

After a comfortable silence, Jisung sighed, knowing he had to tell the boy everything.

"Where should I start?" Jisung asked himself

"Wherever you want" Minho said, smiling reassuringly "Take your time"

Jisung gave him a sweet smile.

"For as long as I can remember, I've been living with abusive parents" He started off strong, Minho widening his eyes at him "They had been beating me for the dumbest reasons: because my hair was disheveled, because I talked too loudly or to lowly, because I was eating too much or too less, because I talked without permission and the list goes on" He said as he took a deep breath.

"They never really explained why, they always said that it was like that and that I deserved it somehow. They would say that some people are born to bear with pain, and that was what life had chosen for me. From this, I've never really understood what loving and affective parents were supposed to be, which guided me to be skeptical about love in general". Minho gulped, he knew it was something bad, but never to that extent.

"It was also a lot of psychological abuse, they would always say that 'love isn't made for me' and now that shit is stuck in my head every single second of my damned life" He looked at his lap, feeling ashamed "Now I constantly fear myself and how I manage my relationship with people. Now I can't look at myself on the mirror without seeing them, now I can't bear with silence but I keep on hearing their voices" He added as Minho approached the boy, drawing circles on his knee.

"They were arrested when I was 16, and I had the possibility to live alone from there, so I did. But i had so much trouble"

"I had trouble having friends, because I couldn't understand the point of it, nor the reason. I had trouble talking to people, any kind, I was simply traumatized... And still is" He said, chuckling bitterly. "Now I have a bunch of PTSDs, basically throwing me off at some actions or sentences"

"I have scars littering my body, remaining pieces of the shitty years of my life that I can't erase. Some are from my 'dad', from the stuff he did to me. Others are from myself, because I didn't know how to control my temper other than with violence"

"The tattoos..." Minho started

"Yep... The only way I have to hide them, at least a little" He said, a broken smile appearing on his face

"And about you... Well... Let's say that I'm used to having hookups, but I've never gone that far. It somehow felt like a situationship, it was too intimate, too committed. I felt like a was agonizing, it made flashbacks and voices come back, telling me how I couldn't be made for it, and it made me mad" He said apologetically "I hate that feeling, I'm just constantly running away from any kind of situation that would ruin my mental health" He said, his voice wavering.

Minho didn't know what to say. He had never felt the need to protect someone so bad. He didn't want Jisung to think that he wasn't deserving love, or that himself couldn't give him any. He wanted to show him how he deserved love, he wanted to take him and care for him like he was the most precious thing in the world.

After a long silence that made Jisung think of any kind of scenarios, Jisung was shocked when Minho finally said something, not expecting it.

"Do you wanna meet my parents?" Minho blurted out

"What the hell?"

"Wait, hear me out" Minho said with a sweet smile "I just wanna show you that the problem isn't you, the problem is your parents. They didn't show you what love is and what parents are supposed to be." He said, watching as Jisung face felt more relaxed "My parents aren't perfect, neither am I, but that's just human condition. Let me show you what it is actually supposed to be, in the most pure way I possibly can"

"I... I don't know what to say" Jisung said, scratching his head "I really want to, but I'm kinda scared, you know"

"I promise they won't hurt you" Minho assured, still caressing his leg to show comfort "And I'll be there, you can tell me if you feel overwhelmed, I'll bring you to your house even if it's at night".

"Show me then" Jisung said, a cute grin on his lips.

"I'll call them" He said, standing up but stopped as Jisung hold his leg, not wanting to be left alone. Minho sat back down, dialing his mother's number and putting it on speaker

'Hi mom'

'Hi Minnie, how are you doing?' Aeri answered, her voice honey-like, just as much as his son. Jisung wasn't expecting so much sweetness.

'Good, I had something to ask you'

'Tell me'

'Well, I'm not far from Gimpo, can I eat dinner and sleep there with a friend tonight?' He asked, Jisung feeling uneasy

'Of course honey! I'll take any reason I can to see you' She said, a sweet laugh following that made Jisung blink 'Do I know your friend?'

'No, his name is Jisung' Minho said, staring in Jisung's eyes and giving him a comforting smile

'What's his favorite dessert?' She asked, and Jisung had never been so confused.

"It's cheesecake" Jisung whispered, and Minho repeated it to his mother

'Tell Jisung that he will eat the best cheesecake he had ever tasted' She said, giggling a bit at the end

'Thanks mom, love you' Minho said as her mother answered 'love you too' before hanging up.

"But... Why would she buy cheesecake for me?" Jisung said, still confused

"Because she liked to treat her visitors well"

"Yeah..." He said, unsure.

Minho took his hand, helping him stand up and cleaned his things, putting everything back in the back.

"Let's go" He said, as Jisung followed him.