Through the dark

Keep swimming

Okay It's the fifth day here and It's time to go back. my flight is in 4 hours so I am grabbing my stuff right now

Since the first day here I just couldn't stop smoking. The weed was just one time but cigarettes James definitely inspired me again

I also couldn't stay clean. I think I just can't live here anymore after everything what happened. Being with Pedri is like an escape. He doesn't know anything and I just have another life there. I love my life there.

When the plane arrived in Barcelona and I step out it really felt like I was home again
It's weird because i'm literally going away from home

I waited for my suitcase and then I felt a someone jumping on me

¨Juul!!¨ he says happy and I recognize that voice of course

¨Pablo!!¨ I say happily and give him a thigh hug

¨I'm also here¨ pedri says

¨come here¨ I say and I also give him a hug

¨I missed you guys so much¨ I say and I let go of the hug

we walked to Pedri's car and went back to his house

It was already pretty late so we just chilled on the couch and then Pablo and I went to my room

we just cuddled and then Pablo says ¨Juul you don't know how much I missed you¨

¨I was only gone for 5 days¨ I say

¨it felt like forever¨ he says

¨I'm also very happy I'm back¨ I say

¨back home again¨ I whisper

¨but you had a great time there right?¨ he asks

¨mixed feelings¨ I say

¨hmm tell me¨ he says

¨Oh nothing to worry about I just missed you and Pedri¨ I say

¨Nah that is not true¨ he says

He knows me too good

¨I get faced with reality there¨ I say

¨What do you mean?¨ he ask

¨nothing, I just don't like it there¨ I say

¨it's not nothing¨ he says

¨alright It was just hard to be there back in my old room where everything has happened¨ I say
he says nothing and just goes with his hand quietly through my hair

¨I have a whole different life there and when I got back it was just hard but I need to get over it because I have only a few months here left¨ I say

¨I totally forgot you're only living here for a year¨ he says a bit sad

¨yep and that year is almost over. I don't think Pedri wants me to live here longer¨ I say

¨Oh I can tell you he really wants you to stay longer. These 5 days weren't only hard for me. Pedri kept telling me how much he missed you and how much he hoped you were doing alright¨ he says

¨awhh that's so sweet¨ I say

¨But you smoked weed?¨ he asks

¨Yeah it was nothing¨ I say

¨Stop saying it was nothing because you were alone in the night outside you could have been kidnapped or something¨ he says

¨at that moment I wish I was¨ I whisper