No Matter What

Overloaded

I tried going in the ambulance. The paramedics were going to let me ride with them, but there was no way. Too many monitors. Too many people in such a small space. Too much noise. Too much going on. I sat down in there and had to leave before we left the parking lot.

Connor regained his consciousness and told me it was okay to have my dad pick me up and drive me to Oak Falls General Hospital. So I did. I ran out of that ambulance, stood on the curb next to Chris and the rest of Connor's posse, then called my dad.

"Hello? Ayla? Everything okay?" he asked as I held my phone up to my ear.

"Dad...Connor...the roof! The ambulance...he fell. He's going to...to the hospital," I said, trying to catch my breath. It was really, really hard to find the words.

"What? Connor's in an ambulance?"

"Uh-huh," I said over the noise.

"Give me ten minutes. I'm coming," he said, hanging up.

There was a big crowd, growing and growing with every second the ambulance was there until it finally pulled away. My classmates were taking pictures and filming. Despicable. The poor guy fell twenty feet and now it was going to be all over social media.

My fault. This is all my fault. We shouldn't have gone on the roof. I could've just worn my headphones into the gym to cancel out the music instead of hiding in the bathroom. I'm the worst girlfriend to ever exist.

"Ayla, honey, are you okay?"

I looked up from my phone and saw Miss Shen, my reading teacher who was chaperoning tonight. I spent so much time in the bathroom that I didn't know my favorite teacher was here. I shook my head at her.

"Do you want to go sit inside?" she asked.

"No...Dad."

"You called your Dad already?" she asked. I nodded.

The other teachers were rushing to disperse the crowd. There was still over an hour left of prom, but it seemed like they were just cutting it right here. Someone fell off the roof. That was enough of an excuse to call it a night.

I don't remember what Miss Shen said to me as my dad pulled up along the curb, or anything before that. I opened the front door and got into the passenger's seat. Trying to settle down.

"Hi, Doctor Green. I think she just needs to go home and rest," said Miss Shen.

"Alrighty. Thank you," my dad said, shutting the window. "You alright, sweet pea?" I felt like I couldn't answer. "Ayla, it's okay."

"No."

"Do you want to go to the hospital or go home?"

"Hospital," I said. "I love him."

"I know you do. Let's go."

When we got to the hospital, we waited in the lobby. I tried to play a game on my phone, but everything was so bright and loud and chaotic. A little after we got there, we were greeted by Connor's entire family. His mom Christy gave me a warm, comforting hug. She was the best. She made me feel like I had a mom again.

I tried to say hi to his father, Matt, and his two brothers, Ian and Ben. Ben, as a matter of fact, was holding something. Something I desperately needed.

"I know you really like this, so I thought it would help," he said, hanging me the weighted blanket I kept at their house.

"Ben, you're a lifesaver," I said, taking the blanket and wrapping it around myself as I sat down in one of the cold, hard, waiting room chairs.

And then we waited. And waited. And waited some more before Matt and Christy could finally go back and see Connor. When they came back out after seeing him for a few minutes, they were pale. Christy was a combat vet. I'd never seen her falter. I thought this whole time she was unbreakable, but it just had to be different when it was your own kid.

"You can go ahead first, Ayla," Ian said to me as he rushed to comfort his mother.

"Do you want me to go with you?" my dad asked.

"No. I'm fine."

I held my magenta void close to me as I walked down the hall to his room. The nurse led me to a room that held a few beds, each separated by fabric curtains.

"I'm so sorry, but yes, we definitely have to admit you," I heard a male voice say from inside the room. I stopped to listen. "We need to figure out what's going on."

"I get knocked around in football all the time and I always bounce back, doc! I'll be okay," I heard Connor say.

"Connor, it's a miracle that you're even alive. You fell onto concrete. If you fell differently, I can assure you that you wouldn't even be here," the doctor said. Connor didn't answer. "My stepdaughter Poppy is the same age as you are, so I understand not wanting to be out of school and away from all your friends. But remember, your health comes first. I let your mom and dad know. They'll be getting with one of our coordinators to get you set up in a room."

"Okay...fine. If there's no other way, there's no other way," Connor said. "I just...want to see my girlfriend."

I'm right here, babe. I'm literally right here, but my anxiety is so bad that I don't have the guts to go in there and interrupt your conversation with the doctor.

"Just take it easy in the meantime, okay? Get some rest," the doctor said, walking out the door and nearly crashing into me.

I ran into that room, seeing Connor's tired, cut up face light up when he saw me. I wanted to hug him, but he put his hands up.

"I'm so sorry. Everything hurts," he said.

"You...you poor thing!" I said, trying to hold off on the waterworks. "Are you okay? I mean, you're obviously not okay. That was such a stupid question."

"I'm just really sore...and pissed. I want to go home but they won't let me," he said.

"Well yeah. You're all bruised and you have bandages all over you," I said.

"No, it's not just that," he said, sighing. "I can't feel my legs."