No Matter What

Twinkle, Twinkle

Connor held my hand as we watched those two babies on the monitor. It was the highlight of my week, every week, when we came here to Doctor Khan's office. Which, thank goodness, didn't have a tank with a demon fish living in it. They didn't have a fish tank at all, actually.

Stacey, the ultrasound tech we always had, moved the wand around my growing belly, which was now beginning to fill with stretch marks. Our two little ones were getting big heads. She zoomed in, and I could even make out a cute little nose for the first time. When she moved over, I saw a pair of legs raised straight up.

"So it looks like Baby A here will be your future acrobat," Stacey said.

"If they take after me, they'll be far from athletic," I said.

"But if they take after me, they'll be future football stars!" Connor said.

"Or maybe something more like ballet, if they're girls," Stacey said.

"No...I meant football for both of them," Connor said.

Stacey, who now looked super uncomfortable because she probably realized her comment was totally sexist, moved the wand to the other side of my belly.

"And here's Baby B—oh, hello!" Stacey said.

"What? What is it?" I said, now in a total frenzy that something could be wrong with one of my babies.

"After all this time, we finally got a spread-eagle! Are you ready to know what you're having?" she asked.

"Yes!" I said.

"No!" Connor said, wagging his finger. "No, Ayla. No. Gender reveal party. We've been over this."

I groaned. "Do we really have to?"

"Yes," he said, crossing his arms.

"But if Stacey tells us, then we can find out right now, and skip the stupid party," I said.

I hated gender reveals. They were nothing but pure cringe. Why do you need to throw a party just to announce what a baby has between its legs?

"My mom already has the decorations. We can wait," Connor said as I let out a big huff. "Can we just get them in an envelope, please?"

"Sure thing. As soon as we're finished here," Stacey said. "By the looks of it, you're having a normal twin pregnancy. There's a long way to go, and complications can arise at any time."

"But right now, there are none?" Connor asked.

"They're both a tiny bit small, just under normal range, so we'll have to keep watching that. But that's something Doctor Khan will go over with you."

I took a few deep breaths. My heart was slamming inside me. Things were going really well so far, even with the little ones being high risk. Dr. Khan told me that was something to expect as time kept going. The bigger they got, the more problems we'd start to have. I knew it would start happening, but I didn't think it would start now.

After Hanukkah, we had new years, and now we were moving towards Valentine's Day. And my birthday, which was even more important. I was sixteen weeks along now. I was already in maternity leggings because my regular leggings didn't fit anymore.

My mind was starting to fill with anxious thoughts. What if they couldn't go any further? What if this was the start of a decline? Dr. Khan wanted me to make it to twenty-four weeks. I was getting so close.

"So, pictures again this week?" Stacey asked.

"Of course!" Connor said.

"Connor, we already have like a hundred pictures! We get them every single week. We can skip over a week or two," I said.

"I figured there's no harm in having lots of pictures. I can always toss them later," he said.

"Good point. I'll take copies for myself then," I said to Stacey.

"Two loads of pictures, coming up!" she said.

They printed out and I wiped the gel off my stomach with the hand towel she gave me. Connor helped pull me up from the table. I was already starting to feel like my movement was getting limited. I was always stick-thin, so having this much extra weight on me was really freaky still.

"Take care, you two. I'll see you next week," Stacey said.

Connor and I said goodbye, then a nurse walked us down the hall into the room where we'd have our appointment with Doctor Khan. Connor was keeping a secure hold on the envelope with the babies' gender. I think he knew that I could try and snatch it out of his hands at any second, which is what I wanted to do.

"I wonder what they'll be like," I said. "I feel like it's gonna be so different when we know. We can start thinking about names."

"And I wonder what kind of names you have swirling up in your head, because I have no idea what I'd want to name them. Other than Connor Junior."

"Ugh. No. I hate the whole 'Junior' aspect. I was thinking of something much more...spacey."

He rolled his eyes, but was smiling. "I figured you would."

There was a knock on the door. Doctor Khan came in, carrying his clipboard.

"Hello there! How are we doing today?" he asked.

"Uh...okay," I said.

"We're concerned. Stacey said the babies looked small on the ultrasound," Connor said.

I didn't need the chit-chat, greetings, and small talk. I needed to know what was going on. I needed to know what was wrong with my babies. Now. I loved how Connor always seemed to have a voice when I didn't. .

"Ah, yes," Dr. Khan said. He washed his hands and then pulled a tape measure out from one of the drawers. "Let's have a look and I'll see how you're measuring."

I lifted my sweatshirt up and he placed the tape measure around my baby bump, looking at the numbers closely.

"A tad under where you should be. Stacey noticed the same thing," He took away the tape measure and sat down. I lowered my shirt and did the same. "You were weighed when you came in, and you're a bit underweight as well. Now that your numbers haven't changed since last week, I do feel like this is cause for concern."

My stomach dropped. Oh no. This couldn't be good. Connor took my hand in his and I looked into his deep, emerald green eyes. He was always so positive and his eyes always had a twinkle to them, but now it was gone. Is this the beginning of the end for our babies?