No Matter What

Finally Going Home

I was still struggling the next morning in the hospital, but it was amazing to have Harper there with me, since she'd already had a C-section and had all these tips and tricks. I showed her the wraps we bought and she told me which one was best. I was able to put it on, and it did wonders when the nurses made me start walking again.

Yesterday I really wasn't walking as much as I should've been because of the pain, but with the wrap it felt bearable. I even made it halfway down the hallway without my walker. Connor's support was the absolute best.

I had as much lunch as I could after that, and then we went down for our last NICU visit before I was getting discharged. The boys were doing well. The nurses had cute little bunny hats on them today. Being in and out of so much pain, I completely forgot that today was Easter. On top of all that, when you don't celebrate a certain holiday, you don't really remember it.

"I think I just realized that this is something we never talked about," Connor said, looking at the boys in their bunny hats. "How we're going to raise them. Are you okay with them celebrating Christmas and Easter, in addition to all of your family's holidays?"

"It never even crossed my mind," I said. "Let's just worry about them getting healthy and coming home first."

"Good idea. How about we get you home, too?" he said.

Like when we walked down to the NICU, the nurse had me walk as much as I could, following me with a wheelchair until I couldn't walk anymore. She got me set up in my bed again, and then I had my vitals rechecked.

By late afternoon, everything was looking good. They took out my IV, I changed clothes, and it was time to get discharged. Now that I was eighteen, I could sign everything myself, but my dad still needed to be there to pick me up.

I got situated in a wheelchair with my coat on, and the nurse got me wheeled down the hallway after I said goodbye to Harper. When we were halfway down the hallway, my heart sank. I completely forgot to get her number, and I was too shy and nervous to ask the nurse to wheel me back to the room.

After that, I was finally outside. It felt great to finally get some air, even though it was cold today. While we waited for my dad to pull the car up, another mom was being wheeled out with her baby.

My heart ached, thinking about how that little one was going home to its loving parents, and my boys were by themselves in the NICU. I had no idea when they were coming home. It isn't fair.

"It's okay, babe," Connor said, taking my hand. "Think of it this way: you get to recover without all that extra responsibility. Imagine being in all the pain you're in and having two babies at the same time come home."
"That makes sense. I'm still sad though."

"I know. I understand."

"A lot of NICU mom's feel the same way. It's common. You'll be alright, honey," said the nurse who I completely forgot was behind me holding the wheelchair.

"Thank you," I said.

My dad pulled up with my minivan and the nurse helped me get all situated, then we finally got to go home.

"Do we want to stop for anything on the way? Maybe some more coffee?" my dad asked.

"No. I want to go home," I said.

"Okay. You got it," he said.

My dad helped me get inside, then situated on the special lift we had put on the staircase for Connor. It was really going to be a lifesaver during my recovery. After that I was finally, finally in my warm bed. My dad got my heating pad ready to go, and it was absolute heaven to have that thing on my abdomen.

"See, you did it! You made it home," Connor said.

"I almost didn't think I was going to. This is gonna be way harder than I thought," I said.

"Do you think you're able to get to and from the bathroom by yourself?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'll be okay," I said. "I know you're a football player, but you're pretty good at being a cheerleader, too."

"Never tell my friends that," he said.

I laughed, but stopped myself because I was way too sore. The hospital told me I'd be back to my normal self in two weeks. I hoped they were right.

"I think I'm ready to just be here with my dad. I want to just go on my laptop and zone out," I said.

"Okay. I'll call my dad to come get me. Do you need anything else right now?"

"I'll just ask my dad."

"Sure thing. I love you."

"I love you, too," I said, giving him a quick kiss before he left the room.

I looked out my windows at the gray, April skies. This time last year, Connor and I were walking through the mall looking for prom outfits. It was hard to believe just how much things changed.

I sighed, opened up my laptop, put on my headphones, and watched one of my favorite space podcasts. They were talking about the Curiosity rover, which was one of my top beloved rovers. I started wondering if I made it to Mars, if that journey would be as taxing as going through these past few days. It honestly seemed like it would be easier.