A flashlight in the shadows.

chapter 33: preperation.

The first word that's comes to mind is guilt. Yes, I felt guilty. Guilty about sending that stupid girlfriend message. Guilty that I was the reason a tear left his eye. But mostly, I felt bad that I hadn't told him sooner. True, Isaac and I had only been 'a couple' for one day, but Bennett and I have come so far...
Or had we? In the great scheme of things, how far have we come? Far enough to call eachother by name? It wasn't all that much, when I thought about it. Despite who I thought he was, he still didn't speak to me at school. He was still afraid to be seen with me in public, and Isaac wasn't. He had the courage to ask me...
What am I doing? Comparing is no use. Bennett is nothing like Isaac and Isaac is nothing like Bennett. Plain and simple. Comparing is stupid anyways because, like I've said before, Bennett would never see me in that way. But was that my problem? I mean, I liked being friends...but dare I say that I wanted more?
'It doesn't matter,' I told myself. 'He deserves better than you.' And, I believed, he truely did. He truely does.
I decided to invite Lucy over so she could help me choose a dress for our date, since she knows his favorite colors. She arrived at 12:00, ready to look. When I invited her inside, she was gleaming with excitement.
"Holy crap, you don't even know how excited I am!"
"Very, I'm guessing. You know the date isn't until 7, right?" She frowned and checked her watch. After seeing the time, she smiled and looked up.
"Thats ok,let's figure out your outfit, then we can make it just in time for yoga."
"Yoga?" I asked, frowning. She smiled widely.
"Ever been?"
"No, I haven't." She smiled again and nodded.
"Youre in for a surprise, then."
"Who says I want to go?" I asked, making a pouty face. She patted my cheeks.
"I do. That's final. Let's get your stuff ready." I nodded. We went upstairs to my closet and started looking through it. After a little consideration, she settled on the long blue dress Bennett had picked out for me the other day. I nodded and smiled.
"Well, we still have about...6 and a half hours to spend, should we leave for the yoga place now?" She looked at my clothes.
"Sure, but you can't go looking like that. Let's get you some yoga clothes." She got up in one swift movement from her position on the floor and looked through my drawers. After finding a pair of black sweatpants and a pink t-shirt, she left so I could change. I looked over at Bennett's room, which was barren. A new wave of guilt flodded me. After changing, I went on my computer and typed,
'I really am sorry.'
Sighing, I got up and walked down the stairs to meet Lucy in her car. She drove a cherry red impala with leather interior. As I strapped myself in, I got goosebumps on my arm from the cold air.
"Ready?"
"Yeah." I replied, looking out the window. She started up and left the driveway.
"So, are there any last minute things I should know about Isaac before our date?"
"Last minute things?" She asked. I nodded,
"Yeah, anything that I don't know but probably should?" She bit her lip, debating on wether or not to tell me. She finally shook her head and smiled.
"No, he's an open book, mostly." I nodded.
"Ok." She looked over at me and sighed.
"He really does like you."
"I know." I replied, looking out the window. She nodded and pulled in the parking lot. We both got out, her grabbing two mats and handing me one.
"Here, you'll need this." I took it and walked meakly behind her. We checked in at the front desk and started towards the yoga session. Several guys, legal and not, stared at Lucy with intense desire. She awarded a few of them a friendly smile, but simply walked by most of them.
We both walked in the big room and laid out our mats. The instructor was a skinny woman with short brown hair and a nice, olive shade of skin. She approached us with a calm hand and smiled at me.
"Hello, I'm assuming you're here with Lucy?" I nodded.
"Yes, it's my first time. I'm Sarah." We shook hands.
"I'm Rachel, nice to meet you. We'll be starting soon. Please get comfortable." She walked away in an almost cat-like manner. I smiled at Lucy. She giggled and we rolled out our mats.
"How long have you been in yoga?" I asked her. She shrugged and started putting her hair up in a messy bun.
"About...five years now." I raised my eyebrows.
"Why?" She shrugged again and did a few stretches.
"Because it's good for stress relief." I smiled. Rachel clapped her hands to signal the beginning of the session. We did a few stretches first, then she had us place our left foot on the inside of our right leg. I almost fell twice before I got a decent handle of it. Then she had us get down in a push up position and point our butts gradually up. Lucy did this like it was nothing, but I found myself having to use a lot of arm muscles. After a few more things, she dismissed the class.
"Alright, have a great day everyone!" Rachel called. I rolled up my mat and Lucy giggled.
"So, how'd you like it?" I wiped a little sweat from my head and sighed.
"Not as easy as I thought it'd be." She laughed and helped me to my feet. We started towards the front doors. I tapped Lucy on the shoulder,
"I've got to use the bathroom." She nodded and took the mats to the car. I walked back down the hallway towards the back of the center. I walked in and did my business, making sure to use extra soap on my hands.
I started out to the car when something caught my attention. The dance room was filled with a ton of people. They were all practicing the tango, or some sort of romantic dance. The instructor was a short man with a bald head and a goatee. The dance looked interesting, so I walked up to the glass and peered in.
The first thing I saw was Sabrina. She wore a black tank top with the tightest black pants imaginable. Her hair was newly highlighted and her make up was heavily applied. And there, dancing with her, was Bennett. He was dressed in a red long sleeve shirt with black sweatpants. He didn't notice me by the window, but Sabrina did. She smirked wickedly at me and did something that shattered me. He spun her once, and she wrapped her hands around his head and pulled him into a kiss. And to my disbelief, he didn't pull away or resist. Not that he could've. I felt a tear sting my eye.
'Told you, he's too good for you,' my conscious mind told me. I bit back more tears and ran out to Lucy's car. She frowned as I started buckling up.
"What's wrong?" I shook my head.
"Nothing, drive please."
"But you're crying-"
"Please, just, drive." I said, taking a deep breath. She started the car up and we drove silently to the house. Once we got there, I went up the stairs to my bathroom and locked myself in. I dug myself in two towels and sobbed my heart out.
Everyone has a way of handling their emotions. Some cry whenever they feel like it. Some people just show their emotions with complete openness. Me, I bottle it up, like a sodapop. I do it until one day, someone shakes it too much, and the cap goes flying off. All my feelings come in one giant flood. I usually go to the bathroom whenever my feelings do come out so no one else has to deal with it. But today, Lucy made it her mission to deal with it. She banged on the door,
"Sarah? Sarah, what happened?!" The fact that she was there didn't comfort me. It made me feel more helpless because I didn't want her to see me in this state. None of my other friends had, and I didn't want them to see me like this. But Lucy continued banging on the door, waiting for me to come out. Once I'd finally calmed down to the point where I could somewhat talk, I opened the door, towel still in my hands. I walked over to my bed and sat on the end. She sat next to me, setting her hands on mine. I sniffled,
"I'm sorry you had to see me like this..."
"Its ok, Sarah. No one else has to know, just please tell me what's wrong." She looked into my face with sincerity. I took a deep breath.
"Its a stupid reason, really..."
"I won't judge you, it's ok." She patted my hand. I nodded one more time before I said,
"I-I saw Bennett dancing with Sabrina. She saw me in the window and kissed Bennett in front of me." I bit my lip and sighed. She nodded. I sighed,
"I know I'm with Isaac...but I still didn't like it. I don't know what I'm thinking, but I just..." I trailed off, looking at Lucy. She stared at me and nodded.
"You know?" She smiled and patted my back.
"Of course I know. I know everything!" She smiled. I giggled and wiped my eyes.
"Well, let's get ready for the date, wouldn't want to keep Isaac waiting." She smiled and waited for me on the bed while I took a few towels and went to shower. I used the cocoa butter shampoo on my hair, making it silky smooth. Once I finished up, I dried off and slipped the dress on, twirling in it before walking out. Lucy took my hair and French braided it to the side so it hung over my shoulders. After she'd done that, she started to work on my face. I made it clear that I didn't want a ton of make up, but she still made me wear mascara. After she applied that, she did blue eyeshadow and but on a small layer of blush. When she was finished, she looked at her handiwork and smiled.
"Perfecto." I giggled. She left to grab my shoes that were down the steps. I sighed and looked into Bennett's empty room. I thought about Sabrina. I have never hated anyone, because it's a terrible thing. To hate someone is as powerful as killing them, which isn't good. But I did feel a strong dislike for her.
Suddenly, the door to Bennett's room creaked open, and his step dad walked in. He wore a blue dress shirt and jeans. His face was neat and the stubble of his chin matched his hair. He walked to Bennett's bedside table and opened the notebook, flipping through it. He tore the newest page out and stared at it. If it was possible for a person to hate paper, then this was proof. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small silver object; a lighter. He snapped it a few times before a flame appeared. He set it under the paper and set it alight, swaying the paper as the fire crawled upwards. He set it in Bennett's garbage can and closed his eyes. I stared with curiosity. What the heck? He opened his eyes, which then slid in my direction. He looked at me and saw that I was staring with intrest. He also saw that I was wearing a nice blue dress. I, unsure of what to do, stared back like a freaking deer in the headlights. He smiled and waved at me. I waved back and gave a small smile. Lucy came bursting in the door, shoes in hand. I spun to see if Bennett's step dad was still there, but was only met with the emptiness of the room.
"Isaacs on his way, here, put these on!" She practically shoved the shoes onto me. I sighed and went down the stairs, waiting for Isaac to arrive.

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Hope it wasn't terrible! Don't hate the next one, bye!:P