Ashes in the Darkness

Souls

Readers Note: I tried so hard to make sure the Spanish was correct. I know only conversational Spanish so I apologize if I made mistakes... please correct me. DIALOG FROM THE GAME IS NOT MINE!

Big TW: Description of sexual harassment and stalking... implied discussion of SA.

The cargo plane might as well have been empty, Soap and Ghost sat as far away from me as they could get. Soap said nothing to me when I showed up, Ghost followed shortly after only to throw his things under one of the seats in the back and sit with a grunt. They talked amongst themselves. Aware that the challenge of getting them to trust me now is going to be much harder, I couldn't help but think about the moment I had said Simon's name in the smoking shelter. His brain had scattered in that moment, faltering between two different people, Ghost and the man who was behind that mask.

Soap had called him Simon before, so had Captain Price. I had heard it before many times, but he had become aware of what he was doing as the name dropped from my mouth. Looking over at him as the plane began its ascent, his head was back against the metal wall and his legs pointed outwards towards the cargo in the middle, arms crossed over his chest. He looked tired but relaxed. Soap fiddled with some gun parts directly next to him. It was fascinating how the two of them were opposites, yet their friendship made sense.

My eyes stayed on Ghost's hands that were now placed on his thighs, steady as the plane's engines roared on the outside. I realized that I had never noticed how many scars were on his hands before, or maybe I had but I did not notice them like I did right now. They were thick, but his fingers were long and calloused. There was very visible white scaring along his knuckles. I wondered again the things those hands had done in the past; how dirty they had gotten throughout the years with blood figuratively and physically. How many lives were on those hands. My thoughts turned darker as I watched them move around, clasping his fingers together, stretching them, moving them up and down on the fabric of his cargo pants. They were hypnotizing.

I watched as he dug through his bag and pulled out a book, "The Revenant" by Michael Punke. It was fitting for him, hunting and horror and gore. I had never read the book but had seen the movie with Leonardo DiCaprio. Thinking back to the moment in the woods when I had been robbed by those hands, Soap had mentioned that Ghost hunted wolves before. I wondered if he had ever hunted bears, it was illegal to hunt grizzly bears like the one from The Revenant, but the black bear hunting season was ending around the time I had left Kootenai National Forest.

Simon must be an expert hunter with his skills as a soldier, the way he was silent as he moved and the way he could shoot without even thinking. I wondered where he went when he was not on duty, did he go home to a woman who made him bangers and mash? Did he have a golden labradoodle and a yard to play ball in? The thought alone made me giggle in my seat. He didn't seem like the domestic type; he liked the thrill of chaos far too much. I was glad that the plane was so loud because I would have looked insane giggling to myself alone.

Exhaustion was more or less my greatest enemy and I found myself setting my head back onto the metal wall behind me, then settling on some of the benches next to me. But when I finally awoke, I looked up, groggily, to see that Soap was also awake but Ghost was lying down, one hand behind his head and one knee up to balance himself. I had no desire to disturb them, but I had the energetic urge to stretch my legs now.

Doing a few laps around the cargo I could feel Soap's eyes on me, watching my every move as I took a dimly cognitive inventory of my emotions. Eventually, I took it upon myself to stop in front of him, "you have the right to be angry," I said with my hands on my hips.

He looked up at me and scowled, "You should be in a jail cell," he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I don't disagree," I answered.