Ashes in the Darkness

Reckoning

Writers note: sorry it took some time for me to get to this, I've been planning out the next few chapters so they will come out much faster. It's not my best writing, I apologize again, these filled chapters can be a bit redundant, but the pace is gonna speed up here soon. Ok.

TW: mentions of torture, mention of SA. Mentions of suicide attempts (not described). Claustrophobia.

I was stupid, I was an absolute lunatic for thinking that Ghost and I could ever get away with this behavior... That was evidently clear the moment I looked into Captain John Price's eyes. He was a Captain for God sakes, he would have been observant of the slightest of changes to his team's behaviors. I thought it was because I was new and we had not worked together that much that he wouldn't notice it in me, but Ghost was a different story. The moment I stepped up to him, he ushered me into a less obvious corner of the compound with a hand on my back, like a teacher ushering a student into the hallway for a stern talking to.

"Don't insult me by trying to lie," John said as I walked up to him, my face was as hot as the Mexican spring, and I was sure that I was brighter red than the shotgun shells that he began to load into his bag. "How long have the two of you been doing that?"

I sighed and looked at Ghost whose back was turned to me and loading all kinds of equipment into the back of an armored van. His shoulders were slack, relaxed, but I could feel the darkness coming off of him... even from here. "Forty-five minutes ago," I said with a huff.

"That's what he said too," Captain Price looked down at me, lowering his voice... although speaking to me in a tone that would have the strongest and bravest men shaking in their boots. "If it had been any other man on this team, I would have sent you back to D.C. with scarlet letter on your chest..." he clenched his teeth, and I stepped back from him. Captain Price's rage was colorless, but sharp and pungent. But his anger cracked and shattered in places, showing me just how much patience, he had left for the situation that was at hand.

"Sir, I don't believe of us planned-"

"I don't give a fuck," he spat at me. "It happened and you can't take it back now."

"I'll pack my items to head back to D.C. once the base is retaken," I say with a defeated nod at the ground. Again, I was so stupid. I was acting like a teenager with a crush on her gym teacher, I was better than this. Spiraling out of control was the closest thing to a living nightmare I could have and here I was... slowly slipping down the spiraled slope of stupidity.

"Jamie," I felt Captain Price's hand on my shoulder, and I looked up into his eyes that were fierce with anger, a flash of disappointment was in there as well. But then it changed, and I saw his eyes soften. "I'm going to tell you something, and it's going to break your heart."

I looked back over my shoulder at Ghost who was casually sitting in the passenger seat of the armored vehicle next to Soap who was trying not to stare too longingly at him. My mouth turned into a frown as I looked back at Captain Price, "he tried to kill himself."

My mouth dropped open and a horrible sickly sensation rattled the lining of my stomach and clawed at the underside of my skin. I hoped this was just a ploy, but in n my heart, I knew that what Price was telling me was true, and tears welled in my eyes. "When?"

"After his family was murdered. He tried again after he killed the man that had them murdered because the military wouldn't let him rejoin..." Price's hand came off my shoulder as he felt my body shutter. "That's when I found him and gave him a home with Task Force 141,"

Suddenly the understanding of what the point of this conversation dawned on me, and I looked at Captain Price like he was God himself standing before me, showing me the forgiveness and love that ministers and priests could take a point or two from. Captain Price continued on, "he wouldn't let anyone touch him, would only speak when spoken to, and always hid in his room. He was a robot, Jamie."