Just a Taste // HS Blurbs

Wish i could hate you ^

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I wanted to hate him.

Seeing someone you love, love someone else hurts.

It hurts worse than I had ever imagined. Seeing him with her, a girl I hate for no reason other than the fact she has what I wanted, it feels fucking pathetic. The icy cold that swallowed me up before the red hot embarrassment washing over my skin as I walked into the hallway into something I never wanted to see was there worst thing I've ever felt in my life.

It was like a car wreck. I couldnt look away. Seeing his ringed hand grip her ass as he kissed her neck. The giggles coming from her throat that made me irrationally angry. His deep voice contrasting her lighter one and his glazed over eyes looking down at her upturned nose.

I had heard him gush about her. Every time her name was mentioned my stomach would turn and ache because his head would snap up and his smile would widen. I wanted that for me. Not for her. There was realistically nothing wrong with the girl. She was nice. Sickeningly nice, with a pretty smile and a kind demeanor. She had always been kind to me.

I hated it.

Childish, absolutely. But with Harry, he was fucking oblivious. And I was a fucking coward who couldn't tell him how I felt until it was too late. He was in love with Jess.

He had told me before he told her at a party. We were high out of our minds around the fire pit, sitting on the ground with our backs up against broken logs and he got the prettiest look on his face. He had smiled so wide and let out the most beautiful laugh, head thrown back on the wood before turning to look at me. His words were so genuine and soft, turning to me and probably expecting the thing I should have done.

His whisper was giddy. Happy.

"I'm so in love with her, Y/N. I've never felt like this before."

I had the weakest smile on my face. Squeezing his hand, I closed my eyes to attempt to stop the burning. It didn't though. Harry didn't notice either way because he was lost in thought, thinking about Jess. Stupid fucking Jess. Stupid, pretty, kind, Jess, who had everything I've ever wanted in the palm of her little french manicured hands.

"I'm happy for you."

The worst part was, I was.

I was so happy that Harry was happy. His happiness has always been so important to me. But I wanted that happiness to be shared with me. I wanted his pink kisses and I wanted the smile he gave her.

Seeing it up close now hurt so badly. It felt like I was punched in the chest. Leaving the bathroom at this grimy house party, I hadn't expected to walk out and see him with her in the small hallway. But I couldn't look away.

It was like looking into my own dream and nightmare combined. I'd never seen him so touchy, so lovey with a girl. Never seen him so shameless about loving a woman and that woman not being me, killed me. I felt sore. My heart ached as I watched on, the both of them in their own little world.

"Adore you, J. So much. I'd walk through... dunno, fire for you." He nuzzled his nose against hers, pulling her flush against his body. The words stung me, but not as much as seeing her grin, their tipsy mouths connecting messily and the little moan coming from her cherry lips making him grab her in a much filthier way.

"Don't kiss me like tha' unless Y'want the consequences." His dark voice was breathy as his fingers slid under her dress, her back arching and breasts pressing into his chest.

"And what if I do?"

That was the point I had to walk away. Knowing that his fingers were about to go where I always ached for them, but would never feel them was only in my god damn dreams. I had lost my chance. All I heard was a gasp and moan, the door to whoever's bedroom closing behind me with a bang as I rushed down the stairs with those god forsaken tears burning my eyes.

I wish I could be her. All I ever was, and ever would be is the best friend.

I wish I could hate him.