obviously gonna turn this into an actual book someday, here are just some stray little bits I have written in a google doc and am now sharing with you bc I like validation
t/w suicidal thoughts
At some point, Jason stopped calling. It wouldn't really sink in until two years later.
That piece of shit left me behind, he fucking abandoned me. He left me behind to deal with these motherfuckers. He couldn't care less about me. He's happy, living in Cali-fucking-fornia, while I'm stuck here, in Virginia, with these shits, no way of knowing if he's okay because nobody fucking tells me anything. He left me alone. He left me behind. He abandoned me.
I don't know how else you want me to say it. He left me alone.
you'll change your name
and change your mind
and leave this fucked up place behind
but I'll know
I distinctly remember, I once heard my father say in an argument with my mother "fathers don't miss sons when they move out".
Sir?
The fuck?
Well, in your case, that may be true, because you never had a son to miss.
You're supposed to love you're children, give them a better life than you had, not fuck them up like you were fucked up.
"I love you," Will become something they do not believe.
When it comes from my parents, father especially, I don't believe it.
"Dad, I want to kill myself."
"You're trying to manipulate me."
"Dad, I want to kill myself."
"You're overreacting."
"Dad, I want to kill myself."
"You're being dramatic."
"..."
"Why won't you talk to me about how you're feeling?"
You know, I think MARINA put it best.
oh, don't you find it strange
only thing we share is one last name
Though, in me and my brother's case, we don't even share that.
