My Sin

Woke Up

The painful scream in the dream jolted the empress awake, with tears in his eyes. It was after he calmed down that he noticed a figure laying down next to him. His face was pale, his hair a mess, and the eyebags under his eyes were so heavy that it looked painful. The empress took a close look and finally realized it was the emperor. The empress was shocked. What happened to this man during the time he was out?

He wanted to kick the man off his bed but he then remembered his dream and his eyes reddened. This man made him go through hell and back, trampled his pride and dignity, and when he finally learned to let go, he now realized that none of it was his fault. How was he supposed to feel at this moment?

It might be selfish to say but part of him wanted to selfishly hate him and not forgive him even though he knew that it was not his fault, and he knew he was controlled. He went through this whole process of healing, hating, and letting go just to forgive that same person that made him go through that process in the first place. He wanted to scream, shout, and yell at the heavens who were so unfair but all these emotions turned into hopeless sobs instead.

The emperor woke up to a sobbing empress and was shocked. But the happiness in him overwhelmed his shock. He took the empress into his arms and sobbed loudly. Telling him how scared he was and how thankful he was for the empress waking up. The empress who was in a dilemma about what to do also sobbed loudly. The maids were alerted and when they came in they saw the scene of the emperor and empress sobbing in each other's arms.

The maids were shocked but they were smart enough to walk back out quietly leaving the empress and the emperor having a very personal moment.  As the emperor started calming down he finally was able to grasp to emotions in the empress's sobs. They were sad, angry, and conflicted. The emperor was a little confused. Did something happen? He thought the empress was crying of joy because he woke up and would be able to see his children, but those sad cries were a far cry from the happiness he should be experiencing.

"Quiaqio are you alright?" The emperor asked his voice concerned.

"I hate you! I hate you! I should hate you!" The empress screamed weakly as he punched the emperor over and over again in his stomach, but those didn't hurt. What hurt was the words. What hurts were the tears, the voice of hopelessness. Those were the things that hurt the emperor. How could he hurt the empress so much?

"Is something wrong my empress?" The emperor hid his sadness and was able to give a smile while asking his question.

"A lot of things are wrong," The empress whispered as he buried his face further in the emperor's chest. Will he really be able to forgive this man? Did he have to forgive this man? And even if he did would he have the heart to be romantically involved with the same man who made go through hell? Plus, the circumstances in his current life and his then life were vastly different.

In his first life, the emperor loved him unconditionally and was not willing to take in concubines. He had the emperor alone to himself, and maybe that's why both in his current life and past life he always felt uncomfortable about the emperor having concubines even if it was the norm. It was as if he was greatly wronged. Now that he knew how his life was in the first life, he finally realized why he was feeling the way he did when the emperor looked at people other than him. Recalling his dream he tried to piece together the situation.

In his first life, his life was smooth sailing. He was pampered at home when he was growing up and when he married he was also very pampered, being the only partner of the emperor. After his life was ruined because of a selfish and corrupted goddess. Because of the curse imposed on them, he and the emperor had to go through 999 lives of suffering and grievances, and if they did not love each other in their last lives their souls would cease to exist.

To the empress, this whole curse was a lose-lose situation. After going through all those sufferings, he remembered them all in his 999th life. Now he either had to bear the hatred or learn how to fall in love with the man who tormented him. The empress smiled bitterly and remembered the strange encounter he had when he ran off after having a fight with his parents. (For context reach ch named Nightmare)

He remember meeting a lady, and that lady had the exact same face as the female official who cursed him in his first life. He remembered the scary look in her eyes. How she tortured him ruthlessly while repeating the words 'my daughter' over and over again. He felt each kick he received was like something inside him broke. He thought he had met his doom, but as the lady was about to sever his head, an old man he happened to help, before being captured. He remembered seeing the old man glowing and from his hazy vision he saw him holding up the lady as he said, 'So corrupted, do you think you deserve your title?'

He had thought that the old man meant her position as a female official since she had on the uniform. But after the man said that, his face changed into a majestic man in the naked eye. He thought he had gone crazy and was so scared that he crawled from the dark alley and was sent home by residents that recognized him as the youngest son of General Liu. He was so scared that he basically brainwashed himself to think that he had just seen something and that everything would be okay as long as he forgot about the incident. Though the incident would rarely pop on sometimes he would hurry and try his best to delude himself, which had worked for years. But now he could no longer deny it, as he had many things to consider.

This was his last life, and he had to fall in love with the emperor, if not their souls would cease to exist within the living realm and if they did they would have no more lives. No more lives meant that he would no longer have his children. He might hate the emperor but he had to admit that this man gave him treasures that no amount of wealth could ever replace. He would leave his family and friends behind. So he had way more things to take into account than just his love and hatred for the emperor.