My Sin

Hao Meng

Since Noble Lady Shu was the favorite concubine of the emperor for a while now, word of her demotion had spread out quickly and it didn't take long for the empress to know. When he learned of the ins and outs of the matter he was truly shocked. Now he knew why the second prince was such a wretched being in his last life. What kind of parent would raise their children like this? 

"So Chyou Ai is going to raise him now?" The empress asked.

"Yes, Your Highness," Li Dani responded.

"Well my condolences to him. Tell Chyou Ai to go easy on him he's still a kid after all," The empress said expressionlessly. It didn't matter if the second prince was still a child in this life, and that his mother was at fault, the damage was already done in his past life. So his feelings towards the second prince were very minimal.

"I have news, Your Highness," Li Dani said in a low voice.

"Yes?" The empress said looking up from his babies.

"Hao Meng...is coming back," Li Dani said quietly. But no matter how quietly he said it, it still didn't soften the blow dealt to the empress.

Hao Meng was the empress's childhood friend, and...first love. Hao Meng was the son of Lui Quiaqio's wet nurse. They had grown up together as siblings but Liu Quiqiao had developed feelings for Hao Meng. Unfortunately for him, Hao Meng only saw him as a sibling and had a very big crush on Grand Princess Chyou Ai. Liu Quiaqio was heartbroken but he was still fairly young and the heartbreak didn't really take that much of a toll on him. 

Hao Meng had decided to go to the Zou Kindom to make a name for himself in business so he could ask the Grand Princess's hand in marriage with dignity. But like the saying, 'absence makes the heart fonder,' he was longing for someone, and that person wasn't the Grand Princess but the empress instead, he had let the empress know but was ignored since the empress was already head over heels for the emperor.

But what made him such an important person in the empress's heart was that in his past life, he had died for the empress without hesitation. In his past life, the emperor, some noble officials, some concubines, and the empress went on a hunting trip but were ambushed by a group of assassins. As he was running he fell causing him to become the perfect victim for the assassins. Three assassins pulled back their bows ready to release multiple arrows without mercy. He remembered closing his eyes in despair waiting for the piercing sensation but it never happened. When opened his eyes Hao Men had three arrows that pierced his back yet still got up to fight the assassins off.

After Hao Men fought off the assassins he rushed back to the empress to check on him.  After making sure he was okay Hao Meng couldn't hold on anymore and anymore and fell on the empress, to this day the conversation they had is still something he could never forget. As he thought about it the words that were uttered that day rushed to his mind.

"Quiao'er, sorry I know you're scared of blood I didn't mean to dirty you," Hao Meng said regretfully as he wiped the blood off the empress. His gaze focused as he performed the task, yet as he wiped, his hands grew weaker, causing the empress's heart to deny what might be happening in disbelief. But as the cloth on Hao Ming grew redder, and redder the empress knew that no matter how much he denied it, it was useless.

"N-not dirty," The words coming out of the empress's mouth were incoherent, as tears streamed down his face. His body was shaking with the intense grief that he couldn't hold back.  He was scared that he would lose Hao Meng today yet Hao Meng was still worrying about such minor things.

"I'm glad I got to hug you one last time. I want to smile so wide right now but I have blood on my teeth. I know you're scared of blood Quiao'er" Hao Meng said as his lips curved up ever so slightly.  The twinkle in his eye, though dimming, still conveyed his love for the empress. His smile filled with love and sacrifice, was a farewell to the world, a beacon of grace in the face of mortality. It was a testament to the boundless power of love, a whisper of forever in the fleeting moments before the curtain falls.

He remembered that gaze. That gaze that had not even the slightest bit of grievance dying for him, the gaze that even looked a little happy. A gaze that stayed deep within his memory.  A gaze that made him realize that he was capable of being loved, it was just the emperor who did not love him. When he was about to get back on his feet and fix his mistakes, he suddenly got ill, and in the end, passed away, but Hao Meng still remained someone very special to him.

"When is he coming back?" The empress asked, trying his best to mask the hoarseness of his voice.

"The day after tomorrow," Li Dani quietly answered.

"Ok, then I will personally go and welcome him, prepare for it," The empress ordered before getting up.

"Yes your majesty," Li Dani responded with a bow.

"Your majesty! The emperor flipped your tag for tonight," A maid ran in to announce.

"That's good, I needed to have a talk with him anyway," The empress said coldly, but his trembling hands betrayed his voice. Li Dani understood and walked out of the room, giving the empress some space. The empress already had a lot on his mind about the fact that he had to forgive the emperor in order for his family to reincarnated, but now Hao Meng was coming back. He was just emotionally overwhelmed. Seeing Li Dani go out the empress immediately broke down.

He had lived for the emperor, breathed for him, and his whole existence had once been around the gravitational pull of his presence. But the scars he left ran deeper than the marrow of his bones, etching a story of betrayal into his very soul. To forgive the emperor was to weave broken threads of trust into something resembling a tapestry but the patterns would forever be marred by the stains of betrayal and the colors muted by the shadows of hurt. He realized that the path of forgiveness was a treacherous journey with shards of glass and echoes of what seemed to have been a once profound love with missing pieces that may never fit back together.

So how could he ever get back together with him? How could he live with himself being together with someone who stepped all over him, instead of someone who dearly loved him? He was unwilling, yet he had no choice. When he thought about it, he could only sink deeper, and drown in sorrow for the rest of the night.