Evangeline
"Wh-what?" I stammer, caught off guard, then instantly regret it. Of all things. Of course they know. Did you really expect it to stay a secret forever?
That reaction alone has already given me away. I hold Chris's gaze for a few seconds, then allow it to flicker over to Lucas's and Max's. They've already confirmed it, and seeing the inexplicable sadness darken their beautiful jewel-toned eyes makes guilt flood through me in a rush of despair.
"How long?" Chris grinds out, his voice brittle like glass. Asher goes stiff beside me, and he's about to react in a way that wont be good for either of us. I rest a hand on his thigh, a risky, open act of affection, further proving the truth of of our relationship, immediately cringing as the eyes of all my stepbrothers train on that skin to skin contact between us, turning absolutely murderous. I tread carefully, with one wrong answer, that glass might shatter and result in sharp shards that draw blood.
Shouldn't the question be why, though?
Asher's jaw clenches. "Two months." Somehow, Asher looks... almost smug. My idiot boyfriend has the nerve to smirk as we being interrogated by his brothers. It looks like it's taking Max every ounce of restraint not to explode. I get that they're all mad. Furious, even, if Max's bleeding anguish, Lucas's blank expression and Chris's voiceless anger are anything to go by. Chris shoots the next question, once more. My brains flicked onto autopilot mode, answering everything with hard, brutal truths. He's the only one who looks level headed enough to be functioning properly, his mellifluous voice liquid smooth with stern seriousness. The look on his face, it's akin to defeat, but the type where you still have fight in you, but are helpless against the course of fate. It's like a dagger to my heart. Tears blur my vision, my chest burning, even though I'm not the one who should be crying in this situation. My instinct is to open my mouth and allow endless apologies and pleas for pardons spill from my lips, from years of mistakes made that weren't mine but had to take responsibility for anyway. They ask more questions. Trivial ones, without much depth behind them, and I answer, because I'm obliged to. They're owed explanations. Each ground-out, fearful-to-know inquiry from Chris is met with a shaky, but honest response from either me or Asher. I don't dare glance in Max's or Lucas's direction, as watching Chris's mask unravels further and further to expose the poorly concealed emotion he hides within.
"Do you love Asher?" Max interrupts all of a sudden, voice cracking. The guilt that churns my stomach so violently increases exponentially, making bile rise up in my throat. I raise my eyes to meet his. The whole time, he's been so quiet it's scary. His rage is bubbling under the surface, resulting in a hot flush across his cheeks and neck. What kills me the most inside is the deadness in his eyes. Framed by thick droopy lashes and heavily hooded lids, the dark circles emphasise the lack of the sparkle in his eyes that's always there, lighting up his whole face with a brilliant, joyful glow. I've never seen him looking so defeated.
My head bobs in one jerky movement. Yes.
Big mistake. The blue glass in Max's eyes cracks.
"When?" The singular word is forced out in a hoarse wheeze. The guilt rises up once more, and this time I can't suppress it, sending a stabbing pain down my sternum before I can force out a reply, any reply to alleviate his pain.
When I hesitate, he says it again. "When?" Max yells, shooting to his feet abruptly, fists clenched, making the chair scrape back with an unpleasant noise. I flinch at the sudden reaction, and Asher automatically pulls me back, an arms around my shoulders.
"Don't yell!" He snaps back, royal blue eyes sharp and trained on his older brother. Max looks like he's about to lunge again, but Chris holds him back with one arm o across his chest. My heart thumps erratically. The look in his eyes reminded me of Dad's last outburst, on the day of his wedding.
"That's enough." Chris's throat bobs. He looks like he's having as much of a hard time as I am. Max's dimmed, pain-filled, watery eyes crystallise to steely blue, shining in his face like diamonds. Is he...crying? He bares his teeth and flings open Lucas's bedroom door and storms out, slamming it behind him so loudly I can hear the hinges rattle on their screws. Another muffled door slam is heard down the hall shortly after.
When? When. When did I fall for Asher? That's a good question, my darling Christopher. Probably around the same time I fell for all of you, too.
"I—"
Chris stands to follow after his twin. His legs quiver slightly, but his gaze never softens or wavers. His words are cold and clipped, any previous hurt I once saw in there vanished, but the sheer disappointment in his eyes makes me want to drop to my knees and beg his pardon.
"Save it."
I hang my head, not daring to lean against Asher's shoulder. Chris's eyes flicker to Andre and I. His arm is still around me. "...you and Asher. We'll close one eye. Our parents won't find out about this, but you must put to end this...forbidden relationship."
For a moment, his twisted lips betray his envy.
As the door closes with a soft noise, Asher's warm hand, my only pillar of support, slips from my shoulder. I flicker my eyes to him desperately, tears brimming.
Don't leave me, too.
He smiles sadly, royal blue eyes unreadable. "I...need to think."
The door clicks shut another time.
I bury my head in my hands. The guilt isn't because I kept things between me and Asher a secret from his brothers and caused conflict between them all. Hell, I'm not even scared of what my Dad would do if he found out. The gilts because I couldn't express my true feelings to my other brothers as well, and now I might never know if they feel the same way.
Oh, Evangeline, you selfish bitch. What have I you done?