LETTER TO MY LOVE

thirteen

RALEIGH SAMIRA PEYTON
ST.LOUIS , MO
GRADE 12

"She just hey girly'd me. DO NOT PISS ME OFF RIGHT NOWWW!" I pouted while sitting on the phone with Cadoe and Rollie. I was so stressed right now.

Cadoe was getting his hair cut and Rollie was eating Chipotle.

It was finally graduation day.

We had made it. After everything..we made it.

"Y'all what am I supposed to do?" Tears swelled in my eyes. How am I going to graduate with my hair not done? I already had to skip prom because I didn't have the funds for it. Nothing else can go wrong.

"I can do you a lil bit of edges or something." Rollie joked with a mouth full of food.

"Janarious this is serious. Stop playing." I whined.

"My bad."

"Text my mama. She in town for the weekend." Cadoe said while razors in the back were making buzzing sounds. "I thought she was done doing hair."

"You family. Just sent you her number, but you might have to call."

"Thanks so much. About to call her. See you guys later."

"Love you."

"Love you moree!" I hung up before dialing the number Cadence had sent me. By the grace of God she said that she could be on her way to my house in the next thirty minutes.

Recently, life hadn't been much better than it has ever been, but I was trying and thats what mattered.

Demontè was still fighting his case, but I hadn't actually spoken to him since his birthday which was last year in the December...it's June now. Before that, we spoke last on my own birthday which was only a month before that.

I was planning on getting custody of my siblings once I turned eighteen, but I was also going to college, so I doubt this plan of mine would be a good idea.

They don't even like living with my grandma anymore. They say she's mean and she whoops them a lot, but they have nowhere else to go.

Shit like this made me want to just say fuck college, but what would I possibly do as a source of income?

A nine to five won't do anything for all three of us. Hair, nails, and all that other cosmetology shit costs as well. I don't have money for the supplies or to go to school for it. Stripping also wasn't me. I had looked into it, but I don't want to do that shit.

It's starting to feel like my only choice though.

I took a quick shower before Ms.Powell, Cadoe's mom arrived to do my hair. I hadn't seen her in a while, so we had a lot to catch up on.

Surprisingly, she had did really good on my hair. I had a blonde wig with a side part, some curls and a fish tail braid. This was the prettiest I had felt in a long time.

I had told her thank you and she insisted that I didn't pay, so I didn't. Once she left, I had to use my last couple of dollars on an uber and speed to my makeup appointment.

Life had seemed to finally be going somewhere. I was nowhere near finished, but the fact that I was doing something good felt nice.

Me and Rollie had all met up at Cadoe's new place to get dressed and leave together. We pre gamed with a few shots and some music.

None of us actually liked alcohol, so the pre gaming was more of us just having fun, not really drinking much.

Once it was time, we made our way to where the school was holding our ceremony.

Sitting down, waiting for my name to be called felt so heartwarming.. It seemed like time had flew right before my eyes. I was basically an adult now.

This very moment had been my dream for so long and now that I was loving it, it was surreal.

Cadoe was in the row behind me and Rollie was further back since we were placed in alphabetical order by last name.

"This shit so crazy." Cadence spoke from behind me. "I know right. It doesn't feel real." I fiddled with my nails due to nervousness.

It had finally settled in my mind. My life was about to actually start. I had been making my own decisions and paying for things for a while now, but this was different.

The bittersweet feeling filled my body as we all listened to the principal and valedictorian make a speech. Everyone looked so put together. I love it.

They started calling students names and as we got closer to my name, I started to sweat and panic as I stood in line behind my peers.

"Raleigh Peyton." My name was called which echoed through the whole room. My palms were sweaty as fuck.

My gold, silver, and black cords swung lightly at my waist with every step I took, each of them representing something different. Gold stood for high honors and a GPA above a 3.5, silver indicates participation in community service and symbolizes hope and kindness, and black meant excellent leadership skills. Maybe I was an overachiever.

When my name got called Railyn and Raymond cheered my name along with Cadoe and Rollies families, making me a little sad that my own parents and grandma didn't show up, but I continued to be grateful and hold my head high.

I just hoped they were proud of me.. wherever they were.

My aunt on my dads side and her husband had invited me to dinner afterwards. They  reached out a couple months ago and wanted to help out. Eventually, I put my pride aside and let them help.

I got on stage and shook the staffs hands and threw up a lil middle finger before I walked off. Seeing my name on my diploma made me start to cry.

I didn't want to ruin my makeup before I could get pictures, so I had to quickly blink them away.

"Cadence Powell." The principal called his name, catching my attention after I had sat down and zoned out while they called other students names.

I sat my diploma down before standing up to clap super loud and scream in excitement. I was genuinely proud of them. We all grew up together and did what needed to be done.

After everyone's name had been called we got to throw our caps in the air.

Now, it was officially time for my life to begin