Reasons to Stay // Hyunin

~11~

Felix was at Walmart buying some ice cream when he suddenly remembered that he had texted Jeongin asking whether he was coming to his house or not. He hadn't seen any new messages but when he clicked open, he saw that Jeongin had replied yeah. Oops, Felix thought. What if Jeongin were at his home already? Then without Felix there, Jeongin didn't really know anybody, and he knew how shy Innie was.

Felix quickly got into the checkout line. He texted Jeongin:

Sorry i didnt see this until now

Im at the store ill be back in a few min

Of course he didn't know that Jeongin was hiding in his bathroom at the moment, unable to see Felix's texts because his phone was downstairs on the kitchen counter.

As Felix got home he heard it was noisy like always, but when he opened the door he didn't expect people to be drinking. Evidently someone had brought it and opened it while he was gone. Felix was alarmed. What if they were caught and arrested, it would be on his property! He would probably be held liable and arrested too!

"Hey clean it up, that's enough drinking," he said although he knew it wouldn't help anything. He walked past them in the living room to the kitchen and set the ice creams on the counter. He noticed Jeongin's phone was at the edge of the counter. Oh. So Jeongin was here already. Felix felt kind of bad.

He didn't see Jeongin with everyone else downstairs so he went upstairs and to his room. The door was locked, no surprise. Felix would expect Jeongin to hide somewhere if he didn't know any of the people.

He took a bobby pin and picked at the lock, then opened his bedroom door. Jeongin wasn't in sight, but his bathroom light was on and he heard someone crying. Felix went over to the bathroom to see if it was also locked. Of course it was, and he knocked gently twice on the door.

The sniffling immediately stopped and everything was completely silent. Jeongin, in the bathroom, slowly and quietly as he could, creeped out of the bathtub and toward the door, then pulled the knob toward him, tight. Should the person at the door be Hakkun he couldn't let the guy come in. However his blood was still dripping so Jeongin kicked the floor mat out of the way and let it drip to the floor. It would be easier to clean then to clean it off the white mat.

"Hey it's Felix," Felix tried to assure gently. What had happened?

Jeongin still kept silent and held onto the doorknob, tight. If it were Felix, he'd have to let him hear his voice a little more.

"Jeongin, is that you? It's Felix, are you okay?"

Jeongin loosened his hold but didn't unlock the door. He grabbed some toilet paper and wiped up the drops on the floor. He sighed and rolled down his sleeves quickly. He could just wash his clothes later. Then he went over to the bathtub and turned on the shower head and sprayed the bathtub, letting the blood disappear down the drain. Lastly he went over to the sink and washed his hands off.

Felix was waiting patiently outside listening to everything and sure, Jeongin was trying to clean something up. "Can I come in?"

"...yeah," Jeongin quickly inspected to see if there was any trace of anything left. He didn't notice anything and unlocked the door.

The door opened up and Felix found himself face-to-face with a blurry red-eyed Jeongin who looked miserable trying to smile at him. "Hi Felix," he said weakly.

"...hi Innie." Felix hurt to see Jeongin look like this. Their fight a week ago had been surprising to him because he'd never seen Jeongin upset before. Innie always had a smile on his face, and even though he tried to hide everything in his heart Felix could see through it and could tell that Innie was struggling so much, though Felix didn't know the exact details. Here Innie was crying, he looked so helpless, and yet his smile, though pained, was still shown on his face...Felix wanted to help, and looking down, "uh, is your arm okay?"

Jeongin widened his eyes and looked down. Rats. Pabo had forgotten that his blouse was white. "Um-! Yeah! It's okay!" he replied in a frenzy and hid his blooded arms behind his back.

"Can I see it?" Felix asked softly.

"No," Jeongin shot back quickly, his smile faltering.

"Come on," Felix gently persisted.

"No." Jeongin insisted stubbornly, but with a scared edge to his voice.

"..." the two stood there for a few seconds, awkwardly, until Jeongin broke the silence. "Well hyung I think i'm actually going now..."

"Jeongin please stay, what happened?"

"Nothing you need to know about!"

Felix stared at him, and Jeongin stared at Felix. It wasn't supposed to come out so harshly, why did he say it like that? But again Jeongin was overwhelmed by his embarrassment and shame and he pushed past Felix quickly to leave. "S-sorry. I'll leave now." and he was out of the room.

Felix stood there, still facing the bathroom. He had also thought Jeongin would come to his house today to make up so that they were good again. Apparently not?

He inspected around the area and saw the scissors to cut hair were underneath the shower curtain. Since the blades were bloody, Felix didn't pick it up with his hands. He scooped it up with papers and dumped it in the sink, then turned on the water and tried to wash it. He probably wouldn't be using this for anything else.

Meanwhile Jeongin was hurrying down the stairs and into the kitchen to quickly snatch up his phone. He huffed past his drunk classmates and out the door. He heard someone call from behind, "Cya Jeongin! Remember to send me more of those hot pics!"

Jeongin had huffed down the sidewalk, to the bus stop, onto the bus, and sat down before he had time to think. Wait. What pics?

When he got home and opened the door, it was dark in the house but hearing different sounds play and repeat, he knew Chan was probably in his music room down the hall, writing new tracks. Sure enough, that room light was on. Jeongin decided not to bother him and quietly walked over to his own room and shut the door.

He sat down in his desk swivel chair and glanced over at the little table in the corner. He stared at the pictures of his family and the candles on the table that were never lit because Chan had told him that the fire alarm would go off. But Jeongin felt a strong urge to light them today, praying long for a longer and better life.

Of course he wouldn't light them indoors. He carefully picked up the table and moved it to the back yard. It was already dark outside and he turned on his phone light. Then took matches to light the candles, because using the electric lighter might be disrespectful. He lit the 2 candles for his parents in front of their wedding picture, the only picture of them Jeongin had. The candles caught on and burned brightly. Jeongin threw the flower petals into the little fire and said his prayers. He paused...and decided not to tell them about the shameful incident today.

He kept their candles burning and moved onto Lee Know hyung's picture. The child with his cute "o" mouth was watching two cats play. Jeongin had other pictures of his Lee Know hyung so he changed it sometimes.

He took a new match and lit it, then carefully tried to light the candle. He held the fire to the twig for quite a while, but the candle wouldn't catch the fire. Confused, Jeongin blew out the match's fire and struck a new one. The candle still wouldn't light.

Frustrated, Jeongin switched Lee Know's candle with his father's. He was surprised and maybe slightly annoyed when his father's candle went out upon being placed in front of Lee Know's picture. He then tried to light Lee Know's candle in front of his father's picture and the candle lit right away.

It was starting to get on his nerves. Maybe it was a bad picture? Jeongin switched the toddler Lee Know to a fifth-grade Lee Know. He paused for a second to admire it, man would his hyung look so handsome now if he were here.

Then he started the lighting process again but the same results–any candles in front of his hyung's picture would not light for any reason.

Jeongin sighed and gave up. Maybe Lee Know-hyung just wanted his little brother to leave him alone today.

Jeongin bowed and said good night to his family, then blew out his parents' candles. He packed up everything and went back into the house. He noticed his arm; right, he still had to clean that up.

As Jeongin looked at his bloody puncture wounds, regret flooded his heart...because he knew that his mother would cry if she saw her son this way.