Reasons to Stay // Hyunin

~18~

Amazing comeback 😭🔥

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"Here are your test scores, look at them and pass them back up front." The History Teacher Oh said tartly as she gave each student their test. Jeongin received his and peeked at it hesitantly. F: See me after class: Return signed. He sighed heavily but that made his bruised sides hurt so instead he just stared blankly at it. Yes, he was struggling in school recently.

It wasn't something normal. Jeongin was in reality a sometimes B's, mostly C's student but he had been failing test after test lately, ever since the situation at Felix's, then worse the assault Monday night. He couldn't focus on anything and he could barely even sleep at nights. Along with his school responsibilities also came the nagging, unanswered curiosity of the photo of his Lee know hyung—which neither he nor Hyunjin had any answers to.

And even speaking about Hyunjin...he wasn't at school this week because, he had told Jeongin; his dad had wanted him to practice and get ready to enroll for a vocational school and he'd be back soon. But Jeongin's life was literally hanging off his love for Hyunjin recently, so without Hyunjin, he was a total mess.

Hakkun, sitting somewhere behind Jeongin, snickered and Jeongin heard his name among mumbling. It was annoying that Hakkun or anybody else wouldn't tell him a thing about any pictures and Felix hadn't talked to him about it either, so people was always laughing at Jeongin behind his back for reasons Jeongin didn't know.

He had wanted to hear more from that Yang Jeongin who had spoken to him the night in which he had stood between life and death...but he was nowhere to be found, and Jeongin only found himself falling deeper and deeper into his world of depression and self-harm.

He couldn't stop despite the guilt from little Sokki's words and Chan's trying to help every day. And these days it was so bad that yes, he had a pocketknife up his sleeve even at this very moment, and when something relatively small like an F on a test happened to him, he would take no hesitation to step into a bathroom stall and let himself bleed. Every day add one or more little slits onto his wrist, and the tower was getting higher and higher up his arm, arranged neatly like IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.

"Mr. Yang, what is this," Teacher Oh said sharply as he stood in front of her desk looking ashamed. The test grade was between them, on the desk.

"I- I don't know," Jeongin said quietly, feeling faint.

"What's gotten into you lately?"

"..."

"When did you sleep last night?"

"...I...don't know..." Jeongin whispered hoarsely, staring at the paper in front of him.

"Well whatever it is, you need to bring yourself back up. Understand?" She looked at him intensely.

"Yes ma'am," Jeongin sighed and answered without looking back at her. He slid the test off the desk and jammed it into his backpack, then left the classroom, eyes wandering. He was completely out of focus today, walking like a ghost. That's how he found himself standing in an all-girls Home Economics classroom. But at the current pace he was digesting things, Jeongin could only look at everyone in front of him and go *blink blink*.

"...Hi!" the teacher said awkwardly but then smiled. "Is this your class?"

Jeongin slowly turned to look at her, then another *blink blink*, "N-no ma'am."

"Ah, it's because of all the pretty girls, isn't it?" The teacher smiled, kind of smirked, she was this kind of easy-going teacher but didn't hesitate to embarrass people.

The girls were giggling and Jeongin's eyes widened at the words. He opened his mouth and started to say "no" but the teacher cut him off. "It's okay; you're a handsome young man. I'm sure they'd enjoy your company." She smiled but it looked evil in Jeongin's eyes. "Um...no I—"

"No no, go take a seat!" the teacher offered, more like gently pushed him over to an empty spot on the second row.

Jeongin thought to himself, Teachers are allowed to do this?? What about my actual class?? And being a loner and extreme introvert, he's purely suffering and also because now everyone has the automatic perceiving that he likes girls.

But he doesn't.

And poor Jeongin is now sitting stiffly in the desk of the wrong classroom while all the girls steal glances at him and giggle. He remembered reasons why he didn't want to date girls. He looked straight ahead, trying to feel unbothered, but his face was an obvious tint of red. Whatever sleepiness or blah-ness he had earlier was now replaced by a sharp, alert feeling, although hopeless. And also, sitting here in this class for the coming hour also meant that he was gonna have to wait an hour to do his cutting which he had anticipated after History class.

The girl behind him tapped on his shoulder, and Jeongin turned around slightly, "Hm?"

She looked at him without smiling and asked, "What's your name?"

"Y-yang Jeongin." Jeongin answered quietly.

"Oh, I'm Lee Kiara. Nice to meet you," she introduced. But judging the look on her face, she didn't think it was very nice.

Jeongin nodded stiffly and looked back forward. Kiara whispered behind him, "Stop ruining Hyunjin's reputation," and Jeongin's eyes widened; he wasn't expecting this. Excuse me, what? He turned his head around slightly and gave her a look of confusion mixed with annoyance, mouthing "what do you mean?"

She frowned. "You're always clinging to him like a sick puppy and now everyone thinks he's gay. Give him his space, for goodness' sake."

Jeongin felt bothered and slightly offended. 1) He wasn't anything like a sick puppy, and 2) it was Hyunjin clinging to him 24/7, not the other way around. And what, had Hyunjin ever said out loud that he wasn't gay? But Jeonginnie was an insecure Jeonginnie, and he immediately doubted himself. What if Hyunjin had made such a statement before? Then all his hopes of his crush actually liking him were immediately brought to the floor.

Jeongin himself was surprised at the response he gave to Kiara: "Shut up," he hissed behind his back. Kiara's eyes got wide and she gasped, it was so unexpected. Did Jeongin told her to shut up?!

Jeongin felt weary and slumped into the desk. He was so tired, sick, and suffering, he only felt like snapping at one of the most popular girls at the school. "How can you say that?! Who even are you?!" he heard Kiara hiss back behind him. But the boy didn't feel like shutting up. He only retorted with a scoff, "What? Say that just because you like him. He doesn't even know your name. And you don't know who I am, but at least Hwang Hyunjin knows my name."

Kiara didn't say anything. She was too taken aback at the supposedly quiet and polite classmate talking rudely to her. And in his heart, Jeongin also knew that this wasn't going to be to good for him. Word would spread around and everyone would not just ignore him now, but also hate him because of what he said to the girl.

She finally found her voice and scoffed, "you like Hyunjin, don't you?"

"..."

"Yeah, you do," Kiara smirked. "Let's make a deal."

"...what deal...?" Jeongin was suspicious but maybe she had some senses.

"Since we both like Hyunjin..."

"Y-yeah...?"

"We make a deal, whoever Hyunjin kisses first willingly, that person gets him as a boyfriend." Kiara stated.

Jeongin's eyes widened. "Bro you can't just claim him like that."

Kiara narrowed her eyes. "So you just handing him over to me? Okay, i'm fine with it too."

"No, I mean like--" Jeongin knew it was wrong to make such deals but his insecurities led him to say..."F-fine I'm in on it."

He couldn't lose Hyunjin at any rate!