Reasons to Stay // Hyunin

~32~

"Is that you? Jeongin-ah?"

"Innie-yah, my baby..."

Jeongin's eyes fluttered open and he saw that he had been standing up apparently. He looked at the ground, which...wasn't ground? He was stationary in what seemed like the middle of the sky. Confused, he looked around himself, then forward. His eyes widened, Eomma? Appa?

A voice behind Jeongin spoke, "Jeonginnie!" causing the boy to turn around, coming face to face with Seungmin-hyung. "What are you doing here?" the older asked, Jeongin too astonished to answer. I'm actually...here?

"My baby, what happened to you...?" Jeongin's mother had stepped forward and held her son's arm. Jeongin looked down, saw his long sleeve was still rolled up how he left it, cuts neat and jagged all on full display. Oops.

Jeongin opened his mouth but he couldn't speak. He tried to take a step but he couldn't move. He looked around, suddenly wondering where his Lee Know hyung was, if everyone was here.

"Son."

Jeongin turned to make eye contact with his father, who gazed at him solemnly and sincerely. What, Jeongin thought, still trying to figure out his current circumstances.

"You're not dead yet, that's why you cannot speak to us."

Jeongin was processing his dad's statement when he looked down, the atmosphere under his feet changing into a moving image. He blinked twice as he saw the boy huddled against the street lights, drenched in the cold rain still pouring. As he looked closer, he saw that the boy was still breathing, slowly and painfully, barely alive, but still alive.

"That's you," Seungmin informed although Jeongin had probably figured by now.

The scene slowly changed, Jeongin recognising his room in Channie-hyung's cozy home...his hyung lying in Jeongin's bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep.

Channie-hyung. He had had no idea what he was in for that day he had signed documents, agreeing to become Jeongin's legal guardian. Jeongin knew that even though Chan barely knew any of the serious things actually going on in Jeongin's life, he had tried his best to get close to him and really loved him. Throwing away his life would mean unappreciating all the things hyung had done for him.

Jeongin wished so much to leave the world. He didn't want to go back at all. Nobody ever said his suffering would end. How nice it would be to stay here with his parents and friend forever, no responsibilities or hurt. He was so close to dying! Like he'd always wanted!

"Jeongin-ah, hold on."

Hm? Is that his father telling him to go back to earth? Didn't he know how long Innie's suffered? He's held on for years and years, what was the purpose? Living didn't benefit Jeongin anything, did it?

Speaking these words in his head made Jeongin realise how selfish it sounded. Taking his life? What about those others who cared for him, waiting for him to come back home? Jeongin couldn't just leave them behind. And the more Jeongin thought about it, the more reasons he thought of, all the little things in life why he should stay...

The music I love.

The singing I love.

The seasons I love.

The colors I love.

The food I love.

The fashion I love.

Everything I enjoy.

...The people I love.

Channie-hyung, Jinnie-hyung, Lee Know-hyung, Felix, Changbin-hyung, Sokki, Aera...

True, if Jeongin's life was completely self-centered, doing what he wanted, benefiting himself, then maybe there was no reason to stay. But standing here, he found the truth in his life and his main reason to stay. My life's not about me. It's about the people who I love, the people who love me, and what I can do for them.

He decided he would hold on.