Finding Her

CHAPTER 1

Today marked 2 years since Brian's passing, and it still hurt like the day I discovered it on the news channel. We had an empty burial for him because there were no remains; every passenger on that flight was burnt to ashes, and it was horrible.

Brian's parents invited me and other friends of his to their house today for a memorial dinner. I was sitting in my car, parked close to Brian's house, contemplating whether to walk into my dead fiance's home or drive off to the beach and drink myself to stupor.

I already finished a bottle of Vodka before leaving the house, however, I had another bottle in my car, in case.

Grieving Brian had been hell for me, I did not get better, I kept getting worse. Fortunately for me, I had Anna, she was always there.
My mum was also there, Anna's parents as well. My support system was stronger than I expected.

However, I messed that up, especially with Anna. I kept projecting my feelings toward her and lashing out at her. It got so bad that she stopped visiting me and we stopped talking.

I remember that day vividly, it was 7 months after Brian's passing. I had finished work that day at 6 pm, exasperated. However, I did not want to go home immediately, I did not want to be alone with my thoughts, my mental health was already deteriorating, and I did not want it to get worse. I got into my car and drove to the beach, Brian's favorite place. I had been going there often since he died. He and I went to the beach countless times. A lot of unforgettable memories were made at the beach with him. Our first date was at the beach, our first kiss was at the beach, and he proposed at the beach. He always said, "the beach emerges so many emotions, emotions that are overwhelming, but when you stare at the waves, it strangely calms you". I honestly did not understand what he meant, I always asked him to explain but he never did. Hopefully, I would figure that out.

I got to the beach and met the closed sign. I turned off my car engine and stared at the waves with tears in my eyes. I breathed in deeply and sighed. I tried so hard to control the tears but I lost the battle. I started wailing loudly, it was so hard to reduce my voice. I wailed and wailed till my throat got so dry. My phone lit up, it was Anna calling. I realized that she had been calling but I couldn't hear my phone ringing from all the cries.

Shit.

I had just remembered that she called me at work saying she would be at my place because she wanted to see me. I drove off instantly.

"Are you okay? Where the hell have you been?". She asked with concern after opening the door for me.

"Hey". I muttered as I walked into the kitchen, helping myself to a glass of water.

"I have been worried sick Jenny. You weren't picking up your calls, I called work and was told that you had left. I was so scared. Where have you been Jenny?"

I did not want to talk, I was not in the mood. I was extremely tired, my eyes were puffy, and I was so famished. I sat on the sofa and stared at the black TV screen.

Anna stood in front of me, hands akimbo. "Why aren't you saying anything, Jennifer?"

"Because I am not in the mood Anna, I am exhausted, and I don't feel like talking". I replied calmly.

Anna folded her arms. "I don't like how you have been acting these days. It is so hard to reach you. Most times, you aren't home. You don't tell me where you're going to. We hardly even talk Jenny."

"Anna please!". I shouted. I couldn't believe it. I looked up at her, she stared at me in disbelief. "Please leave me alone, your complaints are extremely irritating."

Anna scoffed, "Excuse me? My complaints are irritating? I have been looking out for you. We both lost someone dear to us, and we have to stick together so we don't lose ourselves, Jenny".