RETURN TO ME

Complications!

The drip was almost done when I finally sat up. I didn't even realize that Yu Bin had been sitting next to me this whole time.

When I turned to look at him, I could see he was waiting for me to say something. What could I say, I have no words to describe my current diagnosis.

"What did my sister say? Why are you crying, Zhan? Is it bad?"

I could hear the fear in his voice. I also did not realize that tears were running down my face until he asked me why I was crying.

"I am screwed, Yu Bin. I am totally screwed."

"Don't scare me, just tell me what she said. Whatever it is, I am sure she can help you, or did she already say that she couldn't? Say something!"

"My life seems to be filled with endless loss. I lost my parents when I was 9 years old, but soon after, I was adopted into a loving home. I thought I lost a chance to attain my dreams, and a couple of days later, I got an even bigger opportunity. Thought I lost Yibo, I found him and found love. Now this, I doubt Yibo will stick around to be with a freak."

"What the hell are you talking about? Can you just tell me and stop rambling on like a mad man."

"I am pregnant! There I said it. What now? Huh?

"You are what? How is that even possible. You are a guy. Is my sister sure about that. That can't be possible."

He looked so confused it was almost comical, but no one was laughing.

"She checked many times, and the results are the same. I need to come back in 4 weeks to do a scan, and also, I need to decide what I am going to do with this situation."

I say, pointing at the lower half of my tummy.

"What do mean by that?"

"I have 4 weeks to decide if I am keeping the baby or not. It turns out there is a lot to consider when you are a pregnant guy. The shame of being looked at as a freak, the possibility of losing my job, and Yibo and ultimately my life."

"I think you need to tell Yibo before deciding anything, I don't think he is the kind of guy that would run from his responsibilities."

"Is that all you heard me say? How can I keep this baby. You know  the movie still has 5 months of filming left according to the schedule. How will I be able to fit the costumes. How Einstein?"

"Why are you so mad at me like I was the one who made you like this! Get your shit together and take responsibility for the decision you made. You are 30, surely there is some wisdom in your way of thinking."

I made Yu Bin angry because I chose to lash out at him. He is here to support me, not judge me. Today, I have done nothing but hurt his feelings.

"Get your stuff, let's go back. It's getting late!"

He is really mad now, I have never heard him speak to me like that. But I guess I deserve it.

"Bin, I am sorry. I am just really scared and not really thinking straight. I did not mean to lash out at you. I just dont want to lose anyone anymore, and i don't want to be tagged as a freak by the tabloids either."

"I am still here and won't leave you, so at least you have me. I still highly advise you to tell Yibo sooner than later. He will find out, you know, pregnancy is not the best kept secret."

"I will, I just need time to get my head right. We need to leave. I have filming tomorrow at 6 am can you believe?"

"What a way to change the subject,  cool, let's go."