Sex Diary

Chapter 6 (Mouth Wide Open)

   I was packing a bag to go to L.A with Karter when I gotta knock at the door. Hey girl! What you doing here, I asked? I was in the neighborhood and thought ill check on you, Lakendra said. You look like you doing better. Yeah, I feel better. What the doctor say? My clit swollen and it's some scratches on the labia minora. Damn, homebody must be big as a horse? The mane was killing me Lakendra. Have you talked to Keenan? Yeah, his ass came over here. Trying to apologize? Trying to see why I been ignoring him. The least he could do is apologize. Girl I been fucking him long enough to know, his ass don't have a conscience. He been cheating for 6 months, and he don't feel bad about it. So, I know he don't feel bad about my fucked-up pussy. Anyway, im done talking about his ass. 

   Karter invited me to go out to L.A with him for a week. For what? He designing a dress and he want my company. That's good girl, y'all just met and he already doing stuff for you. Yeah, he such a sweetheart. I'm going to take my time and get to know him. You know normally I would have been fucked him. Lol, yeah I know. I'm trying to control my pussy with him. I don't know what he like or don't like. You know I have never met a man with a sex drive like mine. I don't think you'll ever meet a man with a sex drive like yours. Your shit not normal at all, Lakendra said. After round 2, my ass be done for the night. You gotta go like 8, 9 rounds before you satisfied. Ain't nothing wrong with that, I just gotta find a man that can handle me. You think Karter could be the one? I know for a fact he the one financially, hopefully with the week I spend with him I can get to know more about him. 

   Crystal, I don't want you to just look at his money. I've seen you deal with a lot of men and some of them was really good men. Karter could possibly be the man you need in your life, and I don't want you to mess that up. I told you im going to take my time with him, get to know him, and see where it goes. You know im not the relationship type, so I doubt it's going to go that far. You gotta outgrow that, Crystal. Says who? If you meet that right person, what makes you think he will be ok with just being friends or being another man added to your fuck list? I get what happened to your mother makes you not wanna get that close to somebody. It's completely understandable but at the same time not every man is like your father. You right but im not going to risk trying to find out. So, you just going to be a hoe your whole life? I looked at Lakendra with a fucked up look on my face. What? 

    I'm keeping it real with you shit. You can't spend the rest of your life just giving your pussy away to any man that's cute, got money, or gotta big dick. You degrading yourself every time you do it. After a while, that pussy not going to be no good to nobody. You giving it away like food samples in the mall or something. One thing I remember about your mother is, she always taught us to have a certain level of respect for ourselves. If she was here, I know she wouldn't be proud of how you living your life. Not working, living off the money you get from men, having sex with anything that can go in your pussy, and not valuing yourself like you should. Look Lakendra, I ain't trying to hear this right now. This is my life, my pussy, and I can do whatever I want with either. So all your preaching, you can go on the other side of my door with that. Fine but you know im right. Me and Lakendra grew up together, our mothers was best friends. Lakendra mother passed of cancer a few years after my mama died. Her mother made us promise her that we will always be here for each other no matter. We both the only child so we look after each other. I get what Lakendra was saying but im just not trying to hear it. Yeah, Karter could be the one but im not trying to find out right now. Like I said before, im 21 and im just trying to live my life. I got my whole life ahead of me to find the right man. I'm not trying to get married tomorrow or no shit like that. Until I get ready for marriage, im going to continue to give this pussy away to any worthy contender. 

    I was in the kitchen making me something to drink when I gotta knock on the door. It was no surprise it was Keenan ass again. Can I help you? Before he answered, he walked in. I don't think I said come in. Look Crystal im tied of this dumb shit. Dumb shit that you created, I said. I get you mad and you have every reason to be. Sooo, this your way of apologizing? If that's what you wanna call it. Keenan cut the bullshit, why you really here? If you think im going to just forgive you that easy, you wrong. I came here to make peace with you, Keenan said. You have to apologize and admit you was wrong in order to make peace. You was dead ass wrong and you know you was. Ok, I was wrong. Wrong for what Keenan? What you mean for what? I'm wrong for what you said I was wrong for. Keenan get out I ain't got time for this shit, I said as I was pushing Keenan towards the door. Crystal, I miss you damn. I stopped pushing him when he said that. 

  Look, I know what I did was wrong, and I wasn't thinking about you. I was just thinking about how it was going to help me. Crystal, I really do care about you, and you should know that by now. Well, the shit you pulled didn't show me you cared. I hate you being mad at me or being so cold towards me. Well you deserve it, I said. When you was talking about that other nigga, did you mean it? Or you was just trying to piss me off? You should know I don't talk out of anger, I said. So, you meant it? Yes, I really found somebody. Keenan had such hurt on his face. I don't know why you taking it personal. Don't you have girlfriend? Keenan didn't say anything, he just looked at me. I'm sorry, ok? There I said it. Why are you saying it now? I don't wanna share you with some other nigga. I started laughing.  It's ok for me to share you with another woman? Crystal, I love you. I stood there with my mouth wide open in complete shock. When we started messing around, we agreed not to catch feelings or get in too deep. For him to say he love me, that was a "oh shit" moment. I didn't know what to say after that. I been feeling this way for a while now, I just didn't wanna face it. Knowing some other nigga got your attention, it's fucking with me. That's why you decided to tell me you love me? I said it because I meant it. I have to go; you can sleep on what I said or ignore it. After Keenan left, I stood by the door still in shock. I don't know how to feel right now, I take that back. I could care less if Keenan feel like he love me. That still not going to change my mind about not fucking with him. What he did was fucked up and it ain't no moving past that period.