The Marauders - Order of the Phoenix - Part Two

Necroardeat

Sirius Black appeared in the square across from Number 12 Grimmauld Place with a crack. It was dark, coming up to midnight, and he didn't really care if any muggles saw him. Hadn't even thought of it, really. He stood at the mouth of the square, staring across the road at the place where Number 11 met Number 13 smoothly without a Number 12 in between. He sat down on the bench where he'd once looked out and watched a muggle boy drawing on a sketchpad - the muggle boy who, unbeknownst to him, had changed everything about Sirius's life.

He was drunk. 

The square wasn't his first stop. The Grindyswallow pub had been. There, he'd drank three shots of Firewhiskey and a rather large mug of ale, all of which he'd put on the tab that he and Bilius Weasley ran up a couple nights a week after working on degnoming gardens all day. He'd spotted Jasper Odair and Meg Johnson there, tucked into a little booth in the back and leaning in, heads close and talking quietly. He'd left right after spotting them - he didn't have the energy to fake happiness and he didn't think Jasper Odair needed to be hearing about Sirius's potentially dead younger brother. Particularly not when Jasper Odair looked happier talking to Meg Johnson in the Grindyswallow than he'd looked in quite some time.

So here he was, sprawled upon a bench, staring at literally nothing and feeling sorry for himself - because his husband and his mates didn't believe him, because the more push back he got from them about it the less he, Sirius, even believed himself. 

Maybe he was mistaken.

Maybe the mortician was just a thief who sold jewelry on the side. Maybe it was a property of the Dark Mark to disappear, just as Remus had said. Remus was right smart, he was. Maybe he was right and Sirius was wrong. Maybe Regulus really was dead.

You shouldn't feel so sad, Sirius. He was barely in your life... A couple of weeks does not erase years of pain.

Sirius closed his eyes. "He changed."

Did he?

"Yes."

But did he really?

"Yes."

You know who's really changed? Remus. Remus has changed. Once, Remus would've been on your side. He would've been the one that came in and held you close until you stopped shaking, just like James did... He's falling out of love with you again.

Sirius shook his head and batted his forehead with the heel of his hand. "Shut up Achlys. You know nothing about it."

Nothing, huh? Achlys laughed.

Sirius felt dizzy from the firewhiskey coursing through his veins.

He wouldn't have questioned you. Or if he did, he wouldn't have done it openly like that. He could've given you the benefit of the doubt. Innocent until proven guilty, that's how it ought to be... So why is it that he always assumes the worst of you?

Sirius took out his cigarettes and shook one from the pack, taking out his lighter and flicking it so the fire glowed at his fingertips. He watched it burn for several long seconds.

Maybe because he knows that deep down inside of you there is me... and I'm not going to leave you, Sirius... No matter what, I'm always going to be here in you.

"Why?"

Because Sirius, it's dark and it's wonderful in here... deep in your soul, it's so, so dark a place...

He could feel it, feel her sinking deeper as she spoke, feel her slicing right through his muscles and bones and right into the very heart of him.  

It was always meant for you to be dark, Sirius, one way or another. Your brother, too. Yes, that's right, Regulus has a dementor, too, and she does love torturing him nearly as much as I love torturing you.