The Marauders - Order of the Phoenix - Part Two

Oh Miami

Lily fell into her side of the bed to have herself a good weep when she finally got home around lunch time. She knew she needed to be brief about it and get back to Mungo's to be with James, but she also knew if she went the way she was feeling at the moment she would probably cause more trouble than anything else. Face-down in the pillows, she curled herself up on top of the blankets and pulled her stuffed pink flamingo, Miami, down from where he sat by her nightstand against the headboard, hugging him tight to her chest.

"Oh Miami," she sobbed to the toy. "There's such a lot going on these last few weeks, isn't there? And I do feel just so terrible for Remus. I hope he isn't in a lot of trouble for being late. I can't believe I did that... There will probably be some sort of inquiry, I reckon the professor was at least suspicious when I left and two minutes later Remus Lupin rushes in with as equal a flurry as I did. I mean, wouldn't you be suspicious of that?" She opened her eyes and looked at the hot pink cotton bird. "If your head wasn't nothing but stuffing, of course?"

Lily sighed and closed her eyes again. 

"And James... Oh." She shook her head. "I feel so awful. I - I should have told him, he's right. I made such a terrible mistake. He says it isn't my fault, but what if it is, Miami?" The words caught in her throat and she hugged the bird even closer. "I can't even help take some of it off of his shoulders, since he says that I can't do the magique amour... he's too bloody busy taking it all on by himself, thinking he's protecting me from something... but bloody hell it's important!"

"Well sometimes people ask you not to do things that should be done... Sometimes people think they're protecting others from something... but it's too important, and protecting them is secondary to how important it is to see to it that what needs to be done is done."

Lily's eyes popped open and she stared at the pink flamingo nervously.

"He wasn't talking about that, though," she murmured.

Her heart raced.

She was already in trouble with James, the tempted side of her whispered, and now more than ever he needed someone to help carry his burdens. What with all that he saw of Dumbledore and Regulus? and now Dora being ill... And there was all that stuff he kept alluding to, things that supposedly nobody knew about that he was carrying, things that weighed him down so much he sat on the edge of the bed, all hunched over and lost somewhere deep in his thoughts in the middle of near to every night.

And if he got upset about this, he had given her the words of excuse himself that very afternoon, hadn't he? "Protecting me is secondary to how important it is to see that you are safe, James," Lily could say when he argued with her and she'd see him recognize his own words and see him realize he couldn't even be put out with her for it because there it was, his very own argument.

But you promised to respect him, snapped her other half in bitter retaliation to the tempted side. You promised to respect him and this is not respecting him! He wasn't talking about you and your love magic when he said those words, it's not the same, and you know it. He was talking about Dora - and probably a bit about Regulus, too, whether he realized it or not - not this. Taking his words out of context to use against him would be very spiteful and he'd every right to be angry with you for disrespecting you!

You aren't a house elf that he can control, the tempted side said, what about him respecting your wishes in this and letting you do it because it's what you need to do? All that stuff in wedding vows about obeying your husband is old fashioned rubbish.

Lily bit her lip.

She rolled out of bed and went over to her desk, her fingers trailing over the books slowly, and she opened one up with a flip of her wrist, and she gasped, as though she'd done it on accident.