The Marauders - Order of the Phoenix - Part Two

Occa - Occa - Occalemon

Sirius lay on the bench, staring up at the stars overhead, one leg bent so his foot was on the arm rest and the other splayed out to the side. He was smoking his third or fourth cigarette, flicking the ashes off between draws and watching the smoke rise up into the sky. He could just barely see any stars through the wisps of cold clouds that moved by.

He could see the point of light that was Sirius - his star in the sky.

"Sirius."

He didn't stop staring at his star.

"Bloody hell it's freezing out here."

There was a quick flash of light - a patronus being sent as a message - and then the darkness reigned again.

Still, Sirius didn't move.

"Sirius?"

"How'd you find me?" he asked, drawing long and deep off his cigarette.

Remus walked up to the bench, standing over Sirius so he was looking down at him. "You made a list of places to look for Regulus."

"Oh. Right."

Remus rubbed his hands together and drew a deep breath. "Mind if I sit with you?"

"Depends."

"On?"

"Are you going to be a jerk?"

"No."

"Do you solemnly swear it?"

"I solemnly swear that I'm... not... up to no good."

"Very well." Sirius sat up just enough for Remus to sit down, then laid back down so his head was in Remus's lap and he continued looking up at the sky and smoking.

"I'm sorry I made this harder for you than it must already be," Remus said.

Sirius didn't answer.

"It's very hard sometimes to remember that not everyone thinks the same way that I do and that logic isn't always the best policy and that sometimes I need to keep my mouth shut and let others have their feelings and emotions and the lot and -- I know this is a terrible apology because I'm making excuses even as I try and make the apology. The bottom line is that I am awfully sorry for being a blighter toward you." He drew a deep breath.

"D'you really reckon that he's -- that I'm just in denial, Moony?" Sirius whispered.

Remus held Sirius's head gently. "Logic says that, yes."

Sirius flicked away some of the ash on his cigarette.

"He loved you so much, Sirius. I could see it in the way he looked at you... with so much pride and admiration."

"But a couple weeks doesn't erase a lifetime of hatred."

"It wasn't just a couple weeks, Sirius. He's looked at you like that for years. You just started seeing it recently."

Sirius's eyes pooled with tears. "Why weren't things different? There was so much stuff we ought to have gotten to share that we never did."

"I know... and I'm so sorry for everything that you lost with him."

Sirius put out his cigarette against the ground with one hand without looking down, keeping his eyes on the stars overhead, even as the clouds came in and slowly hid them. Remus stroked Sirius's hair, his fingers shaking slightly from cold. Finally, a few flakes of snow whispered down from the sky and Sirius said, "Do you think I'm dark, Moony?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"I've told you before - and I'll tell you again - you're like a fire, Sirius... a star. You burn bright. Don't let anything... even me, no - especially me... put you out."