Harbingers Department Of Abstract Psychology And Heavenly Studies
Establishing Correlation Between Exposure to The Divine and Sanity
Dr. Ezekiel Acolyte: Received 5/5/2022 Accepted: 5/10/2022 Published: 5/16/2022
Abstract
A good world... A better world... A world basking in love and wrapped in the warm embrace of our lords, the seven bearers of the light. We sought, and will always seek, to bring salvation to the blind masses. This era of turmoil is also the era of the final, critical, transition. We of the harbingers asked, "Who among the peons will be deemed worthy?" Our search for this knowledge led us to draw from the unsuspecting populace (random sampling in the LA area N=40): the young, the old (Range = 15-65), the women, the men (Male = 20 Female = 20), who were drawn to our worthy cause (baited by a Craigslist post) to fulfill their destiny. The fools were tested against the believers (N=40 drawn from the harbingers). As was prophesied, the fools were consumed by the heavenly light and broken beyond repair with just the slightest glimpse of the robe (mean = .40 seconds). As expected, our stalwart believers endured the visage of Ramiel's robe vastly longer (mean = 15.0 seconds). Celestial divining (Running a linear regression model) found our trial fruitful. The heavenly witness above (ISPS statistical software) revealed the truth (an R-squared value of .90 indicating a strong correlation between belief in the lords and enduring the divine). Long may the lord's light shine.
Introduction
Before life, before the stars, before even the emptiness they would fill, there were seven lights. The seven lights put together their powers to create our universe, but they cast seven shadows in doing so. While the universe continued to develop, the seven lights waged war against the shadows, who sought to darken creation. In the new millennium, the seven lights emerged victoriously and descended to earth to find those worthy of establishing their perfect kingdom, now free from the threat of darkness (Illuminations Book 2). We, the harbingers, have witnessed their coming. They delivered the great words to our prophet and left behind artifacts to ready us for the new age. We discovered the robe of Ramiel the first light, and in this trial used it to determine if we the believers were worthy to stand with the divine beings.
Methods
To gather the sheep, we used a lure that could entice any trapped by earthly desires, a Craigslist post selling a PlayStation 5 at $150 below market rate. Upon arrival at the meeting place, they were sedated and brought to our facility. First, each subject from the Craigslist post was taken into the room with Ramiel's robe one at a time. Next, their blindfolds were removed, and the researchers tracked the time it took for the screaming to begin after exposure to the robe. The process was repeated with the harbingers, who had faith in the seven bearers of light. Finally, all subjects were euthanized after the trials, as their minds were beyond the point of recovery, and their bodies were incinerated.
Results
Praise be. When the great ones come WE will be ready.
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