Too Flawed To Fix

CHAPTER 8

I was alone in the house when I woke up the next day. Mukhang maagang pumasok sa trabaho si Tristan dahil naiwan lang ang basong pinag-inuman niya ng tubig sa ibabaw ng lamesa.

Hindi na kami nakapag-usap pa kagabi. Not that I expect a conversation with him, especially after what happened. Nasanay na rin kasi akong halos hangin na lang kung ituring niya. His presence, though, remained thick and heavy that ignoring it is like doing an impossible task. Isa pa, wala rin akong planong ipagsawalang bahala ang presensya niya. I still have to serve him, at least, kahit sa pagkain na lang kahit pa halos hindi niya naman iyon ginagalaw. And even though cold, I still want to feel his presence.

I tried to act like nothing happened. After all that drama, I pretended that it did not happen. Like I always do. Matapos kong aluin ang sarili kagabi ay lumabas agad ako ng kuwarto para ipagluto kami ng hapunan. But when he saw me, he immediately went inside his room.

Nanatili pa akong nakatulala ng ilang minuto sa puwesto niya bago ko nakagat ang pang-ibabang labi at naipagpatuloy ang paglalakad.

I did not dare knock on his door to offer him food. Alam kong hindi niya ako pagbubuksan o kung gagawin niya man, iyon ay para tanggihan ang alok ko.

I could hardly remember the last time we ate together. Ngayon, para na lang kaming nakatira sa parehong bahay pero hindi magkakilala.

I let it slide. Tahimik akong kumain nang mag-isa kahit ramdam ko ang kawalan ng gana. I just can't allow myself to sleep with an empty stomach. No matter how painful it is, I have to face the fact that I am not the only one living off this body anymore. I have a child inside me. It has to be fed for as long as it does not have the capabilities to feed itself.

Mabagal ang kilos ko. Maging sa pagbukas ng cereal ay inabot ako ng ilang segundo. My mind is running miles that my body has to bear the consequences. Maging sa paglapit sa sofa ay mabagal ang galaw ko.

I can't stop thinking of what happened last night even if I try not to. Ayaw pa ring rumihestro sa isipan ko ang muling pagkikita namin ni Krystal at sa ganoong sitwasyon pa. Even worse was that I let her see me in that pathetic state.

Sa lahat ng maaaring makakita sa akin sa ganoong sitwasyon, talagang siya pa. Wala akong balak na magmukhang ganoon sa harap niya. Pero mas wala akong balak na ipakita iyon sa mga mas malapit sa akin.

Considering a simple question from her crumbled my long-contained emotions, what more if it was from someone I am very acquainted with?

It's definitely not about who asked it. It was the intensity of what I was feeling and the perfect timing of hearing those words. Hindi ko lang inaasahan ang pagkikitang iyon at mas lalong hindi ko inaasahan na sa kaniya manggagaling ang ganoong mga salita.

She was not the most gentle woman I know. Surprisingly, though, last night, she was. Kahit ang maarteng boses ang gamit, ramdam ko ang pag-aalala niya. I felt how genuine she was when she checked on me. However, I still can't get the prior scene out of my head. How Tristan caressed her, and how she held onto him. They both looked like they needed each other, like their bodies were calling each other.

It was different from all the girls he brought here. Maybe, again, because I know her. It hit me hard 'cause I can't just consider her as a possible one-night stand.

Saglit akong napatalon nang makarinig ng mahinang katok. My heart rate elevated when my eyes went to the door. Wala pa man ay nasa imahinasiyon ko na agad ang pigura ni Tito Laurence na nakatayo sa kabilang parte ng pinto, naghihintay na pagbuksan ko para muli niya akong mapagsamantalahan.

Galit kaya siya? Hindi ko siya pinagbuksan kahapon kaya malamang ay nagpupuyos iyon sa galit. Alam niya bang nandito lang ako buong maghapon kahapon? Sasaktan niya ba ako? Papatayin?