Too Flawed To Fix

CHAPTER 4

"Saan ka galing?"

I didn't know when my heart started beating loudly. I just found myself slowly shaking due to his intense gaze. Kahit madilim, ramdam ko ang nanunuot na titig niya. It was like he was condemning me. For a moment, I felt like I was caught red-handed. Kahit wala naman talaga akong ginagawa.

Hinigpitan ko ang pagkakapit sa kahon na dala. His eyes saw the box and his jaw tightened. He tried to meet my eyes but I avoided it.

"I asked where have you been," ulit niya sa nagpipigil na tono.

It was my reflexes that told me to hide the box of cake behind. Sumunod ang mata niya sa galaw ko at mas lalong dumilim ang itim na mga mata niya. It was as if he had deep-rooted anger for the box of cake.

"Kinita mo ang lalaki mo?" Tiim-bagang niyang dagdag.

Mas lumakas ang pagtibok ng puso ko kasabay ng sunod-sunod na pag-iling. I started sweating and I wanted so bad to put the cake down, afraid that it might unconsciously slip, but my feet became glued to the concrete floor.

"Iniwan lang kita saglit, nakipagkita ka agad sa kabit mo?" He continued with his harsh allegations.

"H-Hindi gano'n 'yon, T-Tristan," utal kong tugon. "S-Si Nami. Nagbukas 'yong cake shop niya, p-pumunta lang ako."

He scoffed. "You're good at making reasons. Kaya madali mo akong napaniwala na matino ka."

Mariin kong nakagat ang pang-ibabang labi dahil sa mga salitang binitawan niya. I wanted to defend myself but I remained quiet, instead. I'm sure he had already established a solid figure of me in his head. Alam kong kahit anong sabihin ko, kahit anong subok ko na magpaliwanag, na siyang hindi ko gagawin— hindi niya ako paniniwalaan. He's already branded me a traitor. What could my explanation do?

Surprisingly, though, even if it slashes my heart into two, I'm fine with it. I mean, I have to be fine with it. After all, as I said, I deserve it. I caused him pain and I understand that I deserve the same. Kahit pa pakiramdam ko ay hindi tama.

I am shivering, though. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Malamig pero alam kong hindi iyon dahil doon. It's because of how he stares at me. Ang itim na mga mata niya, na mas lalong dumilim, at ang naghihigpit niyang mga panga.

"K-Kumain ka na ba? M-Magluluto lang ako." I broke the gnawing silence between us after minutes of heavy contemplation.

I watched how his jaw clicked as he put the glass on the center table. Saglit pa akong napatalon nang gumawa iyon ng ingay.

"Do you really think I'll have the stomach to eat what you'll serve me?"

Nanlamig ako. That was an indirect confession that he does not trust me anymore or he's disgusted.

Was he thinking that I'll poison him, or what...?

Napayuko ako nang may nangilid na luha. Pinilit ko ang sariling maglakad para maabot ang lamesa at ilagay ang kahon ng cake roon. I can't risk dropping the box. Sayang iyon at galing pa sa kaibigan namin.

"Mabilis lang ang lulutuin ko," sabi ko sa mahinang boses, binalewala ang tinuran niya.

"Hindi mo ba ako narinig?" Halos singhal na iyon. Nagtitimpi.

I bit my lower lip and intertwined my shaking hands. Hindi ako sumagot kahit pa nagsisimula nang matakot sa namumuong galit niya. Not that he's not already mad, but it seems like he's about to burst.

Hinila ko ang sarili papunta sa sink para hugasan ang kamay roon. Naibaba ko na rin ang bag na dala at agad na hinalungkat ang ref para maghanap ng mailuluto.