"Sino?"
Ilang ulit na iyon. At sa ilang ulit din ay wala akong naisagot sa kaniya.
Hindi ko na mabilang ang minutong lumipas na nakaupo lang ako sa kama at hindi magawang tignan siya sa mga mata. Hindi ko rin alam kung gaano katagal na na tahimik na tumutulo ang luha ko.
He remained standing, too. He stood far from me, near the door. If he's afraid that he might not stop himself from hurting me or if he's disgusted, I am not quite sure. Ang alam ko lang ay galit siya. At walang kung anong lalabas sa bibig ko na makakapagpakalma sa kaniya. I bet even just the sight of me irritates him. Kung kanina ay may tuwa pa sa mga mata niya, ngayon ay pinaghalong disappointment at galit na ang nandoon.
"Isla, am I not enough?" He asked the question that pained me more.
If only he knows how I dreamed of a lifetime with him. He will never be not enough. If there's something, then that's he's more than enough. Kung bakit nagkaganito ang sitwasiyon namin, hindi ko alam kung paano ipapaliwanag sa kaniya.
After all he did. After all he did for me, and the unconditional love, he doesn't deserve any of this. And for five years with him, today, I could say that he does not deserve me.
A damaged, trash, broken woman like me does not deserve a man like him. An unfaithful woman, as he might think, does not deserve being looked by him.
"Ano? Natatakot ka bang saktan ko ang lalaki mo?" Nagpatuloy siya sa panunumbat.
If I have something to say, I would have said it minutes ago. But then, I already decided to just end things without an explanation.
He'll move on. In time, he'll forget about this. He'll go on with his life without this disappointment.
He laughed sarcastically when he heard nothing from me for the nth time. Saka niya marahas na sinuklay ang buhok at nagpakawala ng malalim na hininga.
"We're together all this time. Nagawa mo pang magloko?" Hindi makapaniwala ang boses niya. "Halos araw-araw tayong magkasama tapos nagawa mo pang mangaliwa? Really, Isla? Saan ako nagkulang? Did I not satisfy you? You found someone that could satiate you?"
Napahikbi ako sa mararahas na paratang niya.
"You don't cry over this!" He shouted and I jumped. "You have no right to feel guilty! Did you have second thoughts when you started cheating on me? You probably did not!"
"I'm sorry..." Iyon lang ang tangi kong nasabi.
He was so mad. Another word from me and I think he'll lose it. For sure, just hearing my voice sends him to the edge.
"Sorry? You're sorry?" Aniya sa sarkastikong tinig. "Isla, you're a married woman. Tangina, ang tagal-tagal na natin pero talagang hinintay mong ikasal tayo para maghanap ng iba? At nagpabuntis ka pa! Tapos sorry? What would I do with that?" Galit niyang usal.
His words started to become harsh, and I could not bring myself to get surprised. That suddenly, he became someone I do not know. He was so different from what I knew him. But his outburst is valid. His cursing, his loud voice, the way he chides... I could not blame him.
He has all the right to get mad. He has all the right to throw things and hit me, but he did not. Even though angered, he did not hurt me physically.
"Let's just get an annulment, please," pakiusap ko sa nahihirapang tinig.
He scoffed. "You think I'll just let you go? Para ano, maging masaya kayo ng lalaki mo?"
Nahihirapan akong tumitig sa kaniya. He eyes challenged me.
BINABASA MO ANG
Too Flawed To Fix
RomansIsla loved the comfort of being alone. She was neither a loner, nor she had no friends. She knew how to socialize when she needed to, but nothing had beat the feeling of her own space. Not until college, when she met the consecutive dean's lister, L...
