°•○♡ poetry ♡○•°

Insignificance

November 11, 2023

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"Who am I to me? I wonder,
I am all you could say I am, yet I ponder-
A friend, a sister, a daughter,
A fighter, a lover, a wanderer-
A lie I tell myself to help me into my slumber.

I am not a friend for my smile goes unseen,
Despite my hand reaching out, you took another's in my stead,
I had helped and yet it was unnoticed, while your new favourite got all the focus instead,
Now I lay awake in my bed wondering if they are still there or if you left them like me- for dead.

I am not a sister for I was never considered one as far as they came,
Despite all that I did to keep them safe, I was left with a mess that they had made,
Being called irresponsible like I was their personal maid,
Even as I tried to react, I was called a monster for I could not hold my rage.

I am not a daughter for I was never as perfect as can be,
I did my best, I did what I could, all I did was try to be me,
But that was never good enough, not even for my exam when I had gotten a B,
Gritting my teeth, sinking to the floor as I was disgusted by the way I broke so easily.

I am not a fighter for I had always hated the shed of blood,
But certain people pushed my limits, made me feel like I wasn't enough,
But instead of getting their blood on my hands, I had my own for the now skin that has turned rough,
Memories of burns as my tears streaked down my face, I promised myself not to harm again, because my heart couldn't take this betrayal of love.

I am not a lover for I had failed at my role,
I was betrayed and I was fooled and just before that all took a toll-
I was told that I was loved, right as he left afore,
But nothing hurst more than being told that once more.

I am not a wanderer for I have no thoughts left to think,
I am not allowed to dream for they have been dreamt for me without a blink,
All my dreams were on a boat that was washed away and left to sink,
None of my dreams belong to me, even as I am told I can do whatever I want, I am given a cup which I am forced to drink.

So I ask myself again-
Who am I to me? I wonder . . ."

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